


I'm a Stiff

by TaleFairy



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Age Difference, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-30 21:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleFairy/pseuds/TaleFairy
Summary: Since the great Tris Prior cemented herself in history, the government had agreed to make a couple of changes in the way they ran things. A major one was the decriminalization of Divergents, who were now free to exist, but also continued being social pariahs. They were still looked down upon as beasts who were never supposed to exist, but they were free to do so in theoretical peace.As for Eric, he was forgiven, and came right back to his position as a Dauntless Leader, alongside Four and Peter. No need to mention how shocked anyone who wasn't Dauntless was.And Carrietta Roberts? Well, she's a Stiff.Her faction is everything she's ever known. Her home, her family, her friends... But everything seems about to change.With the Choosing Ceremony happening in only a couple of weeks, Carietta was gifted something she's never had before: an option. All her life, all she's known was following rules, behaving, obeying, becoming the perfect woman and, one day, the perfect wife, even if that isn't particularly what she wants.
Relationships: Eric (Divergent) & Original Character(s), Eric (Divergent)/Original Character(s), Eric (Divergent)/Original Female Character(s), Four/Tris Prior
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: Divergent Fanfiction Collection





	1. Visit Day

I have always felt different, for as long as I can remember. 

It's not like I'm a bad daughter, though, right? I mean, I try not to be, at least. But sometimes I just _can't_ help it. It's not always automatic.

Like when my mother asked me if I could ask Mrs Price, our neighbour, if she could take care of Luna, my sister. As soon as I asked, Mrs Price hit me with a happy "Yes! Of course!", then, she smiled. It was automatic. She knew what she had to do. She knew it was the right thing to help me.

I wish it was that easy for me.

For me, it was never that easy. Sometimes, I know I have to help. But other times, my brain just doesn't arrive at that conclusion. I know I have to help an old woman to carry her groceries, but I don't know if I should stop two children from fighting or should I call their parents?

I don't know how sane I sound, probably not very, but sometimes you just get that feeling where you know someone _has_ to do something, but you don't know if that someone is supposed to be _you_?

Maybe that makes zero sense, forget it.

Let's go back to my life, not that I have something actually important to say about _that_.

My name is Carrietta Angel Roberts. Yes, my middle name is Angel, yes, that was a conscious choice my parents made... supposedly. I've heard enough jokes about it, I am a Stiff after all.

I'm from Abnegation. I was born here, but I never felt like I belong here. Of course, according to my Father, you never feel like you belong in a Faction until your Choosing Ceremony.

My Father was born on Abnegation, he's one of the kindest men I've ever meet, but being gentle doesn't mean he's a good person.

Then we have my Mother, Natasha. She never talks about her former Faction, but I know she was from Amity, because I found an old necklace which says so. My Mother is kind, yes, and she's _also_ a good person, but she's very quiet and has the horrible habit of agreeing with everything my father says.

My father doesn't like me very much. I'm not saying that because I'm a teenager and I hate life, I'm saying it because it's true. He doesn't _hate_ me, but he also doesn't _like_ me. I think that when my mother was pregnant, he had in mind his child would be the Perfect representation of Abnegation, and that's not who I am. He also suspects that I'm a Divergent ("like that girl, Tris Prior") and that I'm going to leave them. He's doing whatever he can to make sure I'll stay.

But he couldn't stop my Visit Day. 

After the War, which was a LOT less bloody than what people make it to have been, the Choosing Ceremony was changed. One of the improvements was that every now 18-year-old had the option of choosing if they wished or not to Visit all of the Faction Headquarters, so they would have an idea of what they were about to Choose.

I, personally, love this rule, even if it came with an age change for the ceremony. It will give uncertain teenagers like me a chance to experience a bit of a different life. No need to mention how mad my father was about that.

So, last night, my Mother set my Alarm Clock to 10 am, giving me two extra hours to sleep, with my classes being cancelled for Visiting. I was so excited when I went to bed, however, that I tossed and turned all night and left the bed at 8.

Sometimes, when I look at people from other Factions, I wonder how it would feel to wear a different colour. Like yellow, red, black, white or even blue. Every day, when I dress up for school, I look at my own body, obviously not on a Mirror, but I just look down at myself. My legs, my arms, my breasts... They seem so common if compared to the beautiful bodies of the girls from other factions, especially Dauntless.

My Father says that those girls are sinners, and they will never get married because "men just want women who dress like that for one thing and it is certainly not marriage".

After dressing up, I walk downstairs with a comb, as I can't look at myself in the mirror, my mother has to comb my hair, and it's getting longer like it always does, so I'll have to wear it in a bun.

Luna, my sister, is surprisingly awake drawing on the living room. I smile at her and kiss the top of her head before going to the Kitchen, where I know my parents would be having their breakfast.

"'Morning mom, 'Morning dad." I salute, smiling at them. My father looks at me from behind his newspaper and flashes me what could be considered a smile, while my mother quickly chuckles.

"I told you she wouldn't be able to sleep until 10." She looks at him.

"Mom, can you brush my hair into a bun? It's too long to let loose." I say, handing her the comb. She nods and places a chair in front of her. 

"We're going to have to cut it before your Choosing Ceremony." She states and I nod quickly. I hate cutting my hair, but rules are rules, and, since it grows up so fast, there's no other solution.

Sometimes I wonder how much I actually look like my family. Everyone says I look a lot like my mother, and I certainly have her black curly hair and melanin, but I was given my father's hazelnut eyes, instead of my mother's uncommon green ones. I only get to see if my appearance has changed once a month when I take a quick look at the mirror while my mother cuts my hair. Although my mother always says I'm pretty, I don't really believe her, because she's supposed to say that. Not only because she's my mother, but because she's an Abnegation woman.

When I was young, the boys in school used to call me "Ironboard Carrie", because, when I was around 13 years old, when all the other girls were growing into their teenage bodies, I was still thin and all covered with the baggy clothes I'm supposed to wear. And since I can't actually look at myself in the mirror, or wear any makeup, there isn't much I can do about myself. 

After leaving Luna with Mrs Price, we walk to the Bus Stop and wait about 20 minutes until the bus arrives. Abnegation is not supposed to wear anything that highlights them, purses included, so I carry my book on my hands. I know that I'm not supposed to read books if not at school, because obtaining knowledge that won't be used in everyday life is an Erudite thing, but I really like this book, even though it's really old. Its called "Pride and Prejudice", and I find it quite interesting how Mr. Darcy falls in love with Elizabeth Bennet, even though she's in Amity and He's in Erudite. Love truly seems to conquer all. 

The visits have been a lot better than I ever thought they would be: The Erudite Headquarters are HUGE, and they have a really beautiful library, which I fell in love with. One of their leaders, Caleb Prior (former member of Abnegation), showed me the Computer Room, and he also mentioned a room full of mirrors where they made experiments, but I wasn't allowed to go in since my Faction doesn't allow mirrors.

The Erudite Headquarters are very beautiful because of all the cool technology they have. For example, they scanned my body as soon as I walked in, and they knew who I was and what I was doing there. Well, I don't know if that's actually a good thing, it seems so creepy, but there was also sweet and low music playing in the corridors and classrooms, "so the students can concentrate better", Mr Prior said. I had never listened to any songs from outside Abnegation, and one my mother used to sing to me and my sister, an old Amity song called "Lavender's Blue". 

When I arrived at the Merciless Mart, headquarters of Candor, I was kind of disappointed that they had no music playing there, but Joe Yamada, assigned to show me around, told me they had a special room dedicated to Music, and he was excited to show me, which was completely amazing! There's not much to say about Candor, I really like them, because I always thought truth to be the best policy, but they seem kind of scary after you spend a certain amount of time with them (which is about 30 minutes), because they keep spitting out things you don't wanna hear like "You have a problem of concentration, don't you?", "I know you're lying.", "You shouldn't be thinking about boys now". Seriously, how do they even know what I was thinking about? Creepy as heck.

I especially loved the Amity Headquarters, because I have always been deeply in love with nature; of course, I haven't seen a lot in my lifetime, because having a garden or plants is not allowed in Abnegation, but I always found flowers and plants very beautiful, at least the pictures I saw in school books. We were received by a girl that was about my age called Lily-Rose, and she showed me lots of beautiful plants and animals, and also let me take a look at their plantations, and I was really happy that I could actually take a carrot off the ground. Lily seemed like a lovely girl, and I especially liked her dress, a beautiful candy apple red dress with short sleeves and a rounded skirt, that danced with the wind when she moved. It was also very strange to see her legs since I don't actually see mine, but I think she is really beautiful. 

When we finished with Amity, my Father asked if we could go home now, but there was the last one, the one that I was most excited to see: Dauntless.

I've heard so many stories, legends and different things about it... About Tris Prior, who used to be one of our neighbours, and about Tobias Eaton, whose father remains a jerk. I was really happy when it came to visiting Dauntless. 

Since we weren't used to jumping on trains, a black truck came to pick us up, and took us to the inside of the building, along with their food. They offered to take us with a normal car, but my mother said we would be just fine going with the food because of course, she did.

We're welcomed by a man who seems to be around his early 30s. He has strong arms and a couple of tattoos showing, he also has three visible piercings. 

"Welcome to the Dauntless Headquarters."


	2. The Fine Line Between Bravery and Idiocy

_Fire. _  
_It burns my veins. _  
_It clogs my lungs. _  
_It drives my brain insane. _  
_Flames. Power. Bravery. _  
_You can have all of them. _  
_If you remember to also have the knowledge to use them. _  
_If you don't, _  
_All of them will be taken away from you._   
  
This was the first thing I see when I walk into the Cafeteria. It seemed like every single Dauntless Member chose to be there, at that time, today. I couldn't stop myself from blushing lightly as their eyes fell on my face. Kyle, the man who showed me around, said he had two more places to show me before I could go home, one of them was the Cafeteria, where they had their meals. 

A wonderful, but strange, smell dances around me as soon as I walk in, and I take a second to appreciate it.

"Smells good, doesn't it?" Kyle chuckles. I nod gently.

As we walk through some members, he points me to a black wall at the corner of the huge room. The words seemed to have been carved there very recently, and the three important words (_Flames. Power. Bravery._) were written in block letters, in a shade of red, blood red.

As soon as I placed my eyes on the strange poem, I feel something, like a shiver rushing through my spine.

I wanted that. I wanted to feel the flames. Power. Bravery. Even knowledge. I wanted my brain to burn, my lungs to clog.

I step closer, and closer until I can smell the charcoal-based paint. My fingers touch the block words.

Flames. Power. Bravery. 

They burn inside my brain and I smile.

"Carrietta?" I hear someone calling me. Waking me up from this dream I'm sunk in, and I suddenly have to turn around, facing the frown on my father's face. "What do you think you're doing?" He asks, and my flames seem to burn brighter, ready to destroy everything.

I take a deep breath before finally looking into his eyes. "Just looking, father." I say, then I turn to face Kyle. "When was this carved here?"

"It's been about three months." A female voice says behind me and I frown, a lightbulb turning on in my brain as I turn around.

A smile spreads across my face. "Tris!" I almost yelling, showing enough happiness to attract some attention. I don't care, though, I'm too busy hugging her with all the strenght I have. 

"Woah. You've sure grown up, haven't you?" She chuckles and I roll my eyes.

"You're only a year older than me, Prior. Never forget that." I joke.

Someone clears their throat and I look behind Tris, facing a tall boy that I recognize as Tobias Eaton. I smile, waving happily.

"Carrietta, right? You were just a little girl when I left Abnegation... Now, look at you." He says, handing me a warm smile.

"Well, I'm still little, at least compared to you, and, as far as I'm concerned, I'm still a girl. So not much has changed." I joke.

"So, your Visit Day, huh?" He asks and I nod. "What do you think?"

"Everything is so... Different. In a good way, of course. I love that quote." I say, pointing at the wall, my heart starting to burn with the strange feeling again.

"Thank you, it was my idea." Tris explains and I hear a dry laugh behind us.

"_Our _idea, Prior." I hear a strong, low voice saying and I turn around.

My heart skips a beat as I see him. Everything about him seems so dangerous, and my brain immediately warns me to take a step back, to run, to hide. Do something, anything. But I don't, I stay there, my face burning, incapable of saying much.

He stands tall before us, too close for my liking, but I still can't find the strenght to move. Blonde long hair, piercings and numerous tattoos that I can't even count. He has the posture of a God, someone who knows they're important and wants to make sure everyone else also does. Scary, yet impressive. "I'm Eric." He says, smiling at me. No, _smirking_ at me.

"Carrietta." I manage to say, my voice failing.

"You're scaring the poor girl, Eric." Tobias mentions, laughing.

"I am?" Eric asks me and I blush lightly, not knowing how to continue this conversation.

Luckily, Kyle manages to interrupt.

"Well, if you three douches don't mind, I have to do my job and show this little girl The Chasm." He says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Chasm?" I ask curiously, turning around.

"That's gonna be interesting." Eric says and sends me another smirk, I try not to look at him for too long.

"Follow me." Kyle says, and I can feel Tris, Eric and Tobias coming behind us.

Tris says a happy 'hello' to my parents, which my mother happily replies, asking her how's she doing and if everything is peaceful in her life, the most Abnegation question ever.

"Nothing is peaceful when you live in Dauntless." She says, chuckling.

I look at her, smiling at this sentence, and, as I'm about to say something, my Father replies: "Well, you made your choice. But I don't know why we have go through this. It's not like Carrietta is actually going to choose Dauntless." He says, rolling his eyes.

I clench my fists for a few seconds before taking a deep breath.

"Its always good to Visit different places, father." I declare, trying not to sound rude, but, apparently, not succeeding, because all of them look at me speechless. "What?" I ask, playing dumb.

I look at Eric for a moment, he seems to hold in a laugh.

"Carrietta, Welcome to The Chasm." He says, pointing ahead and I gasp, holding my breath in. "The Chasm reminds us there's a fine line between Bravery and Idiocy." He continues, walking closer, and I can see that there's a bridge. 

"Carrie, sweetie, don't get too close." My mother warns me, her voice sounds worried.

But, at this moment, I don't really care anymore.

I don't really care about anything.

All I can hear is the water, flowing beneath me.

All I can feel is the wind, hitting my face, my hair, my hands.

Everything else seems ridiculously trivial. Common.

But this? It seems irreplaceable. Seems unique.

I take a step closer. And closer. Until my hands can feel the rough metal that holds the bridge.

But I don't stop there. I can't. I have to keep walking. Until I finally reach the middle of the bridge. It's narrow.

I look up, to the rocks, and the fresh air hits me, filling my lungs.

And then I look down, and my heart seems ready to explode. It's high. It's too high. But, right now, I don't care, cause I can hear the water down there. It flows... So calm, yet so wild. So free.

"I thought you were afraid of heights." I hear Tris saying, taking me off my mind.

"I am." I tell her. "But not here." I say, touching the rough metal again, my fingers running through it like it could save my life. I look up, there are birds flying around and I can see a big part of the sky. "There's no end, you see?" I say. "If I fall... I'll only go up."

"What do you mean?" Tobias asks.

"There's nothing down there... Only water. If I fall, if I try to dive into the water it's like... It's like I won't ever hit the water. It's like the water is so deep and clear I might be in the sky. If I fall I'll learn how to fly. Like a bird." I explain, still amazed. "This place is... Wow."

"Hadn't heard that one yet." Kyle smiles.

"Get out of there. Now!" My Father calls me, not doing much to mask his anger.

I look at him, but I don't seem to understand his words, I'm too entranced in the experience. 

"You should come too." I tell him. "It's so beautiful."

"Carrietta! We're leaving!" He says through his teeth and I nod.

"How many people died in here?" I ask, not to anyone in particular.

"Too many to count." Eric replies, his voice hiding indecipherable emotions.

That does it for me and I nod, walking back to the group.

I turn around to face Kyle.

"Thank you for showing me this place, really." I smile.

"Well, it was a pleasure. Though I'm sorry to say that your Visit is over." He explains. "This is as far as we can go."

"I'll show them the way out." I hear Tris saying.

As I walk through the group, I can feel Eric's eyes following me, but, even though shrug it off as just a feeling, I turn around.

His eyes burn my skin.


	3. Aptitude Test

It's been a whole week since I had my Visit Day.

I've been dreaming about Eric's eyes since then.

Every night, a different dream. A different reality.

Last night, it was probably the worst of them. He pushed me off The Chasm.

I fell for what seemed like hours. Never reaching the ground. 

And, when I finally found another surface, my body lost its air.

I was drowning, the cold water eating me alive. 

But it didn't last long, suddenly I was flying, just like I thought I would be, but I had no wings, so I fell again.

And, when I finally woke up, I was sweating.

I didn't go back to sleep.  
  
  
  
Today is Monday, which means I'm going to school. But that's not all, obviously. Today is also my Aptitude Test, the day I get to find out how my entire future will be. Where I will work, what I will do, who I will be. It all starts today.

I look around my room, hearing the soft sounds of my family waking up. Maybe I could pretend to be sick... Maybe my mother would allow me to stay home...

No. I have to do it. I can't spend my whole life in Abnegation, that's not what I want for me, that's not the future I want.

After sending that thought away, I hear the door opening, it's my mother.

"Oh, you're already awake." She smiles. "Good Morning, my angel. Are you ready for today?"

"Yes." I reply, my voice failing, but I manage to put a smile on my face. "Just nervous."

"Of course you're nervous. You're human, aren't you?" She asks, laughing. "I was really nervous about my Aptitude Test. But, honey, whatever happens, I want you to promise me something." She says, her voice suddenly becoming serious.

I nod quickly. "Anything, mother."

"Don't you worry too much about the result of your test, what really matters is what you want for your future, what _you_ think is best." She says, running her fingers through my hair. "I love you, Carrietta, and I will love you no matter what. But now we have to get ready, I'll wake your sister up, do you want me to help you with your hair? It's very long..."

I shake my head. "I'll just do it myself." I say, getting up.

She nods before getting out.

I take about ten minutes to get ready, facing my feet as soon as I finish, my clothes almost suffocating me. I take a deep breath before heading downstairs, finding my sister in the kitchen having her morning oatmeal. I smile at her, she hands me a warm and calm smile.

"Are you anxious?" She asks me, smiling widely. I nod.

"I'm_ really_ anxious." I say, sitting next to her.

Then she starts talking about a friend of hers who broke a leg and I thank the Lord for that because having to discuss my future with my little sister would be the worst thing ever. Especially since, in this house, she's the one who I'm closest to. She's everything to me, and I would never forgive myself if anything bad happened to her and I wasn't there to save her.

I still remember the war. The guns shooting the air, the people falling on their knees in our front yard, begging for their life; my sister crying against my shoulder, and me whispering to her that everything would be okay.

I let one of my hands travel to my stomach, touching the small scar there. The bullet I took to save my sister's life. The bullet I took for her to have a future. And, now that I have the option of having a future, all I want is to stay with her, and all I want is to run away from here.

I don't eat anything during breakfast, our teachers warned us that it can change the test results. And no one wants to take it twice.

As soon as Luna finishes her breakfast, she takes her backpack and her books, and I do the same. 

"Good Luck today, Carrietta." My mother tells me, kissing my forehead. "I'll be waiting for you outside the school, okay?" I nod gently, my heart beating fast. 

I walk with my sister to school, as we do every day, but, today, seems like the walk turns into a run, and, in a second, I find myself standing in front of the colourful building of my school, breathing heavily.

As always, I take my sister to her classroom, with the other kids, and then go back to the front building, smiling as I see Jennifer, a friend of mine from Erudite. She leaves her line and walks closer to mine. A couple of Abnegation and Erudite people look at us as we hug, Jenn's nude arms in contact with the fabric of my long-sleeved dress.

"So, today's the big day!" She says, excited.

I hand her a weak smile, my face turning red.

"Oh, don't tell me you're nervous! Please, Roberts." She rolls her eyes. "Stop accumulating so much blood in your face and look at me!" She says, still smiling.

"Stop speaking like that, then." I fire back, rolling my eyes.

"Sorry, you know I can't stop myself. Oh, look who's here." She says, biting her lower lip and looking at the train that just stopped in front of the school. I smile as I see Dauntless members arriving, jumping off that thing as if it's the easiest thing to do. "I've heard someone saying that they really need members this year. No one wants to join because of what happened last year." She sighs. "Oh, dear Lord, why are they so hot?"

I frown. "What did you just say?"

"They're hot as hell! Don't you agree?" She asks, not even looking at me.

"No, not that, the other thing. Look at me, Rogers." I say, snapping my fingers in front of her face.

"Hey! For an Abnegation that was really rude." She says, chuckling. "Oh, you mean that no one wants to join in? It's true. Everyone's talking about it. They think the only ones who'll join are the Dauntless kids." She shrugs.

I raise my eyebrows. "That's horrible."

"Students! Please! Go back to your lines! Your tests will be starting soon!" I hear the Principal yelling on the speakers. I nod before looking at Jennifer.

"Good Luck, Rogers." I tell her.

"Good Luck to you too, Roberts." She smirks before going back to her line, almost drooling over the Dauntless boys. I chuckle and roll my eyes. 

As we enter the building, a member of each Faction designates us to our part of the Waiting Room, and they start calling four names at a time, following the alphabetical order. I sigh and start looking around the Waiting Room, knowing I'll be one of the last ones to be called.

After the war, being a Divergent might have started to be "allowed", but, even now, people don't have good reactions to Divergents, since a good part of them was killed in the war. Now, after each test is taken, they give you some kind of pamphlet, and there is written the results of your test.

After all the Erudite, Dauntless, Amity, Candor and most of Abnegation (we're always last) are called, the only ones left are me, the Orwell sisters, and a guy with the last name "Phillips". I look around the room, trying to find the kids with a concerned look on their faces, the Divergents. But, before I can look at all the students, my name is called.

"Roberts, Carrietta. Please, make your way to Room 5." A young woman from my Faction says, showing me the way. I thank her before entering the room.

It is almost empty, except for a short Amity woman, a big computer and a lounge-looking chair. She smiles at me.

"Hello, my name is Carissa." She says, gently pointing at the chair. "Please, lay down."

I nod. "Nice to meet you, I'm Carrietta." I say, trying not to sound nervous.

"Relax, sweetheart. It'll be over before you know." She says, then she takes a small syringe, with a dark blue liquid on it. The liquid reminds me of the dark blue eyes I've been seeing in my dreams, but I shake him off my head. 

_When I wake up, I look around. It's a room full of mirrors? Why am I in a room full of mirrors?_

_"Where am I?" I ask myself, looking at what seems to be my foggy reflection._

_Suddenly, I see Tris. She stands in front of me, her image reflecting on the mirrors as well. She takes two plates, one of them has a knife and the other a piece of cheese._

_"Choose." She tells me._

_"Why?" I ask._

_"Choose." She repeats._

_"It'll be easier to choose if you tell me why." I say._

_"Choose!" She yells and I jump. "Too late." She says, and, after that, she disappears, being replaced by a large dog. A pitbull._

_I gasp, if I had the knife, I could kill it, and if I had the cheese, I could feed it, and it wouldn't hurt me._

_The dog sits on the floor, facing me. I smile, slowly approaching it, and then it starts to bark loudly, which kind of scares me, but I try not to care much. It's just a simulation, isn't it?_

_Suddenly, the dog finds another victim, and I gasp as I see my sister heading towards it._

_"Luna! No!" I yell, but she doesn't hear me. "Luna!" I say, pushing her off the dog, it attacks me._

_Before I can even feel the pain, I'm in a different place._

_Five plates are in front of me, and I'm back at my house._

_Each one of them contains a different thing, meat, cheese, chocolate, pills and flowers. I frown, what am I supposed to do here? A board in front of me tells me I have to pick one but to be careful because one of them contains poison._

_I study them during a couple of minutes, one of them contains poison? Who put poison on it? And why poison?_

_I look behind me, my father holds a small flask of black liquid, and then I look back at the table, all the food it's bubbling disgustingly. _

_"You should have chosen." He shakes his head._

_I frown. "Why would you poison the food?" _

_"Because I wanted you dead." He replies, smirking._

_Did he want me dead? Oh, well._

_I take the small flask from his hand, opening it and swallowing the whole liquid._

_"Now I'm going to die." _

I suddenly wake up, my head hurting, my stomach nauseated. I face the Amity girl, Carissa. She has a weird look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"It can't be true..." She says, shaking her head, and then she checks the computer again.

"What's wrong? Do I have to take it again?" I repeat.

She hands me the pamphlet. "No. You can go now." 

I don't open the soft paper until I reach the Waiting Room, apparently being the last one to finish the test.

I sit down next to the other students, finally opening the Pamphlet.   
  
_"Carrietta Roberts: _  
Candor - 20%  
Dauntless - 20%  
Amity - 20%  
Abnegation - 20%  
Erudite - 20%  
  
Final Result: FULL DIVERGENT." 


	4. The Divergent and the Ceremony

I've never been the kind of person who's thirsty for attention.

I never cared about being on the spotlight, because I knew that wasn't so good as everyone thought it was.

And, dear Lord, was I right. 

The Erudite Newspaper was the first one to publish it: _"18-year-old Carrietta Roberts, from Abnegation, is the first full Divergent in over 100 years." _Then, alongside a picture of Abnegation's symbol, they put the names of other Divergents found during The Aptitude Test. There were only 5 names, meaning the population of Divergents wasn't growing at all, which, by the point of view of the city, seems like a good thing, so we won't have to deal with future wars.

Ever since my result came out, my Father hasn't spoken to me; that was exactly one week ago, and it scares me the fact that today is the day I have to decide my whole future, even if I don't want to, even if I don't even know what I'm going to do, what I'm going to pick.

My sister is extremely excited about me being Divergent, she thinks it gives me superpowers and has since called me "Powerful Carrie", which I found adorable. I wish everyone treated me like she does, with a hint of comedy yet not totally seriously. 

On the other hand, I don't have time to speculate about my future, not even think about it, because every single time I try to be alone, someone starts to bother me, and I am forced to be nice, only because I'm in Abnegation. Of course, I have no problem with being nice to people, I just can't afford to be disturbed right now, not when I'm trying to decide my entire life's path.

Even though my father hasn't said a single word to me, I know for a fact he wants me to pick Abnegation, because he keeps putting those obvious clues when I'm around, like telling my mother I need to cut my hair or suggesting to my sister she should show me the draw she made of us, being a family.

Which brings us to another problem, how am I supposed to give up on my sister? How could I do that? It's such a horrible thing to do, such a selfish thing. I can't leave her. I need her, and she needs me. At least I think she does.

When I woke up on Saturday, I just wished I could stay in bed, but I knew I couldn't. I knew it would be impossible.

During this entire week, I started talking to a girl named Tamara, she's from Erudite, and she's also a Divergent, from Erudite and Amity, and she told me everyone makes fun of her because she got Amity on her Aptitude Test. I like spending time with her because she understands how hard it is to re-think your whole life and try to decide what's best for you, and what's best for the people you love. I find Tamara quite interesting, not only because she's a Divergent, but because she's the perfect balance between wisdom and sweetness, and it's always easy to talk to her, since she doesn't spend all of her time throwing up stupid facts, like the other Erudites.

I sigh as I get up, knowing I can't let Tamara down, and that's probably the one reason why I want to wake up today.

I start to dress up slowly, not wanting the time to pass, and as soon as I finish I hear my mother's voice calling me from behind the door. I smile. "I'll be out in a minute." I tell her before putting my boots on and straightening my hair into a firm bun. When I finish, I know it's time to go get my breakfast, and that's what I do.

As I reach the kitchen, my sister is sitting in front of my father, both of them eating calmly. I say a shy 'hello' to both of them before grabbing my bowl of cereal and pouring some milk into it. My mother doesn't say anything, she just smiles and sits next to me, watching me carefully.

When I finally finish my breakfast, I look at my mother and father, who remain silent until mother takes a deep breath. 

"We'll be in the front row, honey." She says, hugging me and giving me a sweet kiss on my forehead. I nod, of course, they will, father has a high-ranking job.

"Make a wise choice." My Father says, without even looking at me.

"I will, father." I tell him, before hugging my sister the tightest I can manage without hurting her, and smile at her. "I love you, okay?" I tell her and she nods.

"I love you too, Care Bear." She smiles, kissing my cheek. I give her a kiss on the top of her head before saying goodbye, rushing through the front door. 

They kept us on separate rooms before we could make our choice, and the fact that no one wanted to talk to me just made things better, I could finally think, and my choice was clear as day.

A tall girl from Dauntless comes into our room, telling us to make a straight line on the big waiting room behind the "bleachers".

"The order will be Dauntless, Factionless, Amity, Erudite, Candor and finally Abnegation. You'll be called in alphabetical order, so I suggest you organize the line the same way." She says. "Good luck, make wise choices today." She then walks away. 

I sigh and walk to the end of the line, standing behind the boy named Phillips, who's not a Divergent, since his name wasn't on the list.

He hands me a sweet smile, which is unusual since everyone now tries to avoid me, and I start asking myself if he smiled because he actually cared, because he was pitiful, or because it was his job as an Abnegation. 

The Ceremony finally starts, and I watch through the big TV as the others are being called. 20 out of 22 Dauntless kids chose to stay to Dauntless, and the other two went to Amity and Candor, the safest Factions.

The Factionless surprisingly had 28 children, the highest number. 9 of those children chose to stay Factionless, 10 went to Abnegation, 2 to Candor, 5 to Amity, 1 to Erudite and 1 to Dauntless.

From Amity there were 21 kids, most of them going back to Amity, but some choosing Abnegation, Candor and, surprisingly, one of them (a boy) choose Dauntless. The boy was welcomed with a lot of yelling, feet stomping on the ground and claps, which apparently surprised him.

As for the Erudite kids, they were 25, 15 of them stay in their original Faction, 4 of them are distributed through Candor and Abnegation. Jennifer, my friend from Erudite, chooses Dauntless, shocking everyone, except her parents and I. As for Tamara, she picked her softer side and travelled to Amity, where she was welcomed with a flower crown. I didn't pay attention to the other three.

Then we got Candor, 19 kids. 7 of them staying in Candor, 5 going to Amity, 3 to Erudite, 1 to Abnegation, and other 3 to Dauntless. 

My heart starts beating fast as the Ceremonialist, Caleb Prior, one of the leaders of Erudite, starts calling our names. He seems pretty happy, maybe because he was once from Abnegation, but I don't actually know if that's the reason. 

We're 20 kids in Abnegation, 8 going staying in their original Faction (The Phillips boy included), 9 going to Amity (not a shocker), and the Orwell twins choose Candor and Erudite. A surprise even for me, since they were always so close and now they chose separate lives. That inspired me, they wanted to live their lives, so did I.

"Now, please, receive Carrietta Roberts." Caleb says and the woman from Dauntless points me the way.

I walk carefully to the stage, trying not to look at the people, but I just can't avoid. I glance at my sister, she smiles and waves, and both of my parents have serious expressions. As I look to the Factions, I can see Jasmine Heryn, speaker of Amity; Evelyn Eaton and Christopher Watson, representing the Factionless; Christian and Krystal, two leaders from Erudite; Hannah Heart, leader of Candor, my Father, Steven, and other two leaders from Abnegation, Marilla and Joseph; and, finally, Tobias, Peter and Eric, leaders of Dauntless. I blush as my eyes meet theirs.

"Miss Roberts, you can make your choice." Caleb smiles and I nod, turning around and taking the clean blade. 

_Water for Erudite._

_Grey rocks for Abnegation._

_Earth for Amity._

_Glass for Candor._

_Hot Coal for Dauntless. _

I take a deep breath, the blade starting to dance on my hand until I can feel the skin ripping, the blood accumulating on my hand. _Faction before blood. Faction before blood. _

I look at the containers in front of me, my heart beating faster than it ever did. And I approach my hand to the Faction I choose.

The drops of blood run to the containers, mixing themselves with other peoples' blood. Caleb prepares himself to speak again. 

_"Carrietta Roberts, DAUNTLESS." _


	5. Now We Have to Choose You

The screams of the Dauntless people scared me at first.

They made me want to run away, go back to Abnegation, where the people were calm and I knew how things worked.

That was until I realise they were screaming _for_ me.

They wanted me there.

I was being accepted. 

As I walk down the stage, I feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins, and I can only think about one thing. Or better, three.

_Flames. Power. Bravery._

Running through my veins, _Flames. _  
Making a decision, _Bravery._

I didn't know where the Power would come in, but, boy was I excited to find out! 

I quickly reach the Dauntless part of the assembly, glancing at Eric for a second, only to see him staring straight at me. I don't know what to think about it, but if we were in Abnegation, the best to do would be to approach him and say 'Hi'.

But we're not in Abnegation.

So, as I see the seats, I hand a smile to Jenn, my ex-Erudite friend, and she taps the seat close to her. I don't need to think, just sit.

Unfortunately, I'm a little too close of Eric, only two empty seats separate us, and I try my best not to look at him, knowing that it'll bring back all my dreams, and also all my nightmares. I bite my lip as I think about his ocean blue eyes. Like an ocean during a storm. Dangerous, Wild, Deep. I try not to think about it, knowing that now I'll have to watch a very unpleasant show.

I see the Abnegation leaders taking the Stage, greeting Caleb and then taking the mic.

The first one to talk is Marilla Hamilton. "Dear Teenagers, we wish you a very pleasant Initiation, and we must add that some of the choices here made kind of shocked us." She says, and I know she's talking about me. The shy girl who never said no. "But we know you chose with your hearts, and we wish you the best." She smiles, and everyone starts to clap. 

I don't clap, not even once. I can't stand going through this. My father holds the mic.

"We want to remind you, all of you, that in two weeks you'll have your Wish Day when we'll all reunite here again, and the ones who wish to go back to their former Faction, will be accepted with... Open arms." He say between his teeth. I know he's lying. I know he thinks I'll give up, crawl back home with my tail between my legs like the good Stiff I was raised to be, but I won't.

Dauntless is now my home.

As their speech finally comes to its end, I sigh in relief, and the Dauntless leaders order us to get up, so that's what we do.

I follow the group with Jenn, as we run through tortuous stairs, leaving the building through an exit I didn't even know existed. I couldn't say goodbye to my sister, I couldn't hug my mother one last time... what will they think of me? Will my sister cry tonight, alone in that house with them? I pray she doesn't, but I know she's far too young to understand.

As we exit the big building, we run to an alley, and I can feel my legs burning, begging me to stop. My lungs burn, my muscles burn, and the worst part: I'm loving that sensation. I'm loving the pain... No, the adrenaline. The freedom. Running never felt so good.

I soon stop as I see the other Dauntless kids doing the same, and they start to climb metal supports. I gasp, those supports are there because of the train, but we're in the middle of the route, which means that the train is not going to stop.

I shake my head, I knew that already, right? They didn't just jump off for school, they do it all the time. Risking their lifes everyday.

Well then, let's do it. 

I think about taking my coat off and leaving it here, in the ground, in the middle of the cold street. But I can't. My sister gave me that coat, throwing it here would mean she's nothing to me. I fold my sleeves up and start climbing the supports, my hands slipping once in a while, but I refuse to take the coat off.

_Almost there. _I keep repeating to myself. _Almost there. Just a little more._

Before I even realise, the wind is blowing on my hair, the messy bun being destroyed, and the waves of thick black curls falling on my shoulders. It felt so good.

"Okay, initiates." I could hear Peter saying, the smirk even on his voice. "Now, the train is not going to stop, so you'll have to jump. This is the first test. If you don't jump... Well, we can't do much." He chuckles, some of the other Dauntless members joining him.

Suddenly, I can feel the wind becoming more dense, like a cloud of smoke in the air, penetrating my lungs, and, when I look up, I see the train coming. I quickly tie my hair up, so it won't get in the way and focus.

The leaders (Eric, Peter and Four), jump first, and they do it with such ability and gracefulness that I almost want to clap. But I can't, it is my turn to jump.

I quickly look at Jenn and she nods.

One,

Two,

Three.

We jump.   
My stupid coat (oh, dear Lord, why the coat?), makes me slip, and I can feel my body hanging on the wind, although I keep a persistent arm clinging to the moving vehicle.

Am I gonna die?

Before I can even think about dying, a strong hand takes my arm, helping me up. I manage to put my feet on the metal floor of the train, stabilizing quickly, not wanting to look weak. But, as I look up, I see ocean blue eyes staring at me, and a smirk. My knees think of giving up.

"T-Thank you..." I blush lightly, and I can feel everyone is looking at us.

"Don't get used to it." Eric says, turning around and rushing to the other leaders, who face him with an expression full of incredulity. He shrugs and sighs loud, as I look around and spot Jenn, an evil smirk on her face.

"What?" I ask, recovering from my near death-fall.

"Nothing." She chuckles, shaking her head. I roll my eyes and chuckle.

"You're an idiot." I say.

"Yes, I am. And so are you." She playfully nudges my arm.

The trip didn't last more than 6 minutes, and I sit close to Jenn during the entire time.

"Up!" I hear Four saying, and we all get up quickly, even though I'm still in pain. Like a lot of pain. And a shit-ton more of fear. "We're reaching a building in 1 minute. You'll jump when you think you have to jump. Second test." He announces.

I search for a door with Jenn, and, because we don't have any coordination, we take the last door, which gives us more time to jump. I look at her. "We're gonna die if we don't reach the building." She simply states and I agree, if my feet slip again, I'll fall, probably from 20 floors.

I try to push this thought off my mind. I'm NOT gonna die. Not today.

As we approach the building, I can see Eric giving me a last glance, and I frown, why does he keep doing this? Creep.

Eric is the first one to jump, followed by other Dauntless people, and some initiates from other factions. I see some girls rolling on the sand, their elbows starting to bleed. I prepare myself to be in pain just like them, even if I know the pain is just starting.

I don't wait for Jenn to jump, I just do.

And the feeling was probably the best until now. Even when I reached the sand, rolling, my clothes getting all dirty, my elbows and hands scratching and bleeding. It wasn't just good it was fucking fantastic! 

I chuckle quietly as I see Jenn falling close to me, she looks at me with a grimace and I start to laugh. Unfortunately, that attracts some unwanted attention.

"Maybe the little Stiff would prefer to listen to what I'm saying?" Eric says, looking at me and Jenn, his lips tense. Well, someone's not gonna get a 'Thanks for saving my ass!' card.

I blush slightly, limiting my movements to nodding quickly and getting up, then walking to the crowd.

"As I was saying," Eric continues, looking at me with anger. "now, comes the Third Test. There's only one way to get to Dauntless through this building. You'll jump." He says, pointing to the edge of the building, and I gasp. It must be, like, 15 plus floors.

"What's down there?" Jenn asks, more yelling than anything. 

"You'll have to find out. Who's first? No, it can't be someone originally from Dauntless." Four says, his eyes scanning the new guys.

I raise my hand, taking a few steps closer to them. "I'll be first." I tell them, trying not to show the fear in my voice.

Eric raises his eyebrows. "Very well." He says, taking a step aside, and I get up on the edge of the building.

I look down, not being able to see anything. "Do it already, Stiff." Someone yells and I clench my fists, closing my eyes as I open my arms and bend my knees, my body being eaten by the wind, slowly. I smile, enjoying the sensation. It's like flying. 

Until I reach a net, then I look around, and there are a lot of Dauntless people around me, eyes scanning me up and down.

"What's your name?" Asks an already known voice. And when I look at her, I see the blonde hair.

I think about it for a couple of minutes. "Carrie." I answer, smiling.

"Carrie! The first to jump!" She says, raising my hand up, and, again, all I can hear is people yelling and chanting.

It feels like home now. 

It took about 10 minutes for all the new people to jump, and another 10 minutes for the rest to come, and they were received just like us, like new people. Like they only belong here now.

As everyone finally jumps, a tall blonde being the ashamed last one, making Jenn feel less shitty for crying on her way down, Tris faces us, a wide smile on her face.

"Welcome, initiates. Now, the ones who were born in Dauntless come with me and Peter, we'll show you your new rooms. And the ones who are transfers from other Factions, please follow Eric and Four." She says, and I curse her silently.

Why couldn't she show us our rooms? With her cool-girl attitude and quick one-liners. Damn you, Prior.

I follow quietly as we walk through the various corridors of the building, and I kind of feel like I'm in an Ant Farm, with too many corridors to remember.

"Well, I'm going to explain this once, so you better _listen_." Eric starts, gaining the whole attention of the group. "We have some rules here. And your Initiation will be constituted of three steps. The first step: Training. Which you'll do every day, save for Sundays. No more exceptions. The Second Step: Flag. You'll play a very interesting game, where you'll be separated into two teams, Team A led by Tris and me, team B led by Four and Peter. The Third Step: Psychological Review. You'll be facing your biggest fears, and you'll have to fight them. During all of the Initiation, you'll have a Points List, in that list are the names of all the initiates, born and not born in Dauntless. Your objective is to have high positions, and your positions will determinate if you stay with us, or if you go back home." He says firmly.

"Wait, what?" A blonde guy asks, frowning. "Why didn't anyone mention that before?"

I roll my eyes. "Are you going to give up?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow, that's enough for him to shut up.

Eric looks at me, an eyebrow raised. "I can handle my initiates, Stiff."

"That's how things will work now, Initiate." Four says, looking at the blonde boy. And Eric smirks, opening his mouth to say:

"You Chose Us, Now We Have to Choose You."


	6. Chocolate Cake

"So, here's where your tour ends. You'll find your cards and new clothes on your beds. The cards are unlimited while you're all in Initiation, so, enjoy it while you can. Dinner is at 8. Meanwhile, you can explore the headquarters, just try not to do anything stupid." Eric lets out those few words before heading out of the room with Tobias, which makes me finally take a look around the room.

It's big, there are bunk beds spread across the room, with clothes and a golden and black card on the pillows. _Unlimited._ I smile as I take mine and analyze it, Jenn choosing the top bed, and I take the bottom. I take my clothes, looking around to see how few we are. 10. I frown, I only counted 6 when I was at the Ceremony. Well, maybe I wasn't paying enough attention.

A tall boy chooses the bed next to me, and I recognize him as an Erudite boy. He shares the bed with an Amity, and both of us pick the bottom. I smile at him. 

"I'm James." He says, smiling back.

"Carrie." I say, looking around at some girls, there's a total of 4 of us. Me, Jenn and two others, both blonde of hair and pearly white of skin. They start changing and I gasp, but apparently that it's not inconvenient for the other boys, because they soon start to cheer. I blush madly, I can't do that. I can't change here, in front of everyone.

"There's a Girls Room at the end of the corridor." James whispers and I sigh in relief, taking my card and my clothes.

"Thank you, really." I say, quickly heading off, being followed by Jenn.

"I knew you wouldn't change in front of everyone. And, personally, I also prefer not to." She places a small bag in the sink, it's blue obviously, and there are a few things inside, that I can't distinguish. I frown. "That's makeup, silly. I know you don't wear, but I can teach you... If you want." She looks excited.

"I know how to do it... " I say, much for her surprise. "My mother still has old makeup books from Amity, it's not that difficult, but I prefer to stay, huh, basic." I chuckle and she nods, taking off her clothes and starting to change.

I blush as I feel like I should be doing the same. "What's wrong, Carrie?" She asks with a frown.

"Hm... Promise you're not gonna laugh?" I ask, my heart racing as I start taking my clothes off. She nods, but she gasps as soon as her eyes catch it.

"What the hell is that?" She frowns.

"Huh... Is a... Modelling girdle. M-My father forces me, my sister and my mother to wear. Its to hide my 'curves'. Some people from Abnegation wear it." I explain and she shakes her head. 

"Well, you're Dauntless now. And Dauntless doesn't hide. Here, take my skirt." She says and I bite my lip.

"I... I can't, Jenn." I shake my head.

"No, take it. It doesn't fit me, and you have such a beautiful waist, it'll fit you better." She says, passing me the skirt.

I nod gently, thanking her and grabbing it to start to dress up.

For the first time, I look at a full-body mirror, scanning myself. I'm definitely not as curvy as those other Initiates, but I have a decent looking body. 

"See? You're beautiful." She says, hugging me.

"Thank you. Can you help me with the, huh, makeup now?" I ask and she smiles brightly like I just said magic words.

Jenn puts me in front of the mirror as soon as we finish, and, even though she tells me that the jacket isn't necessary, I personally think it is. I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to show myself, to expose myself so much.

According to Jenn, I'm lucky that the Jacket doesn't cover my skirt, because it apparently looks 'amazing' on me. I smile at her, looking at myself, studying myself again. I look like Dauntless, but it doesn't mean that I already am Dauntless.

Jenn told me that she was going to spend some time with Leonard, the other Erudite boy, in the Chasm, and I smiled at her, raising an eyebrow. She told me he's gay, and I couldn't help but be shocked. I have nothing against it, but it wasn't exactly a hot topic in Abnegation, no one was out and proud there. As for me, I decided to spend some time walking around, curious to explore, and I was completely shocked when I found out that there's actually a Library here, near the Tattoo Parlour. Maybe I can get a tattoo someday.

I spend the next half hour reading the Dauntless Manifesto, which apparently wasn't really common to Initiates, because the Librarian looked at me like I was an alien. That is, until she found out that I'm from Abnegation.

"You should get going, the Leaders always pay attention to the Initiates on their first Dinner." The Librarian tells me, and I glance at the clock. 3 minutes until Dinner starts. I nod and thank her, leaving the book back on its place and heading to the Dining Hall, always glancing to the clocks, which are everywhere.

When I finally find the doors, I find myself alone. All by myself. There's no Jenn, no James. I'm alone. And they're going to laugh at me. I know they are.

I feel my heart racing, I need to go inside. I need to.

"You should go in." I hear a voice saying and turn around. A boy and a girl, Dauntless born in appearance, are standing next to me. The girl, who's brunette, but has half of her hair shaved, was the one talking.

She smiles at me, and the boy looks at me with a smirk, which makes me blush.

"Oh, don't worry, he's just stupid." She chuckles. "I'm Emily, that's Theon, my twin brother. I know, I know, we don't look alike." She says, playfully rolling her eyes. "You're the girl from Abnegation, right? The full Divergent?"

"Yes." I nod. "I'm Carrie, it's nice to meet you." I say, smiling.

"Well, Carrie, let me give you some advice. They'll judge you anyway, so you better go inside now. And if you're alone, it just makes you braver." She says tapping my shoulder before entering the Hall with her brother. 

I take a deep breath and open the doors.

As soon as I enter, all I can hear its a loud noise of many voices talking at the same time. If we were in Abnegation, everyone would have their time of speaking, and it would be quick. 

But we're not in Abnegation.

I look around, searching for Jenn or James, but, before I can find them, I hear someone yelling my name.

Part of the people just stop talking, and then, most people shut up.

James and Jenn signal me to sit with them and I let out a chuckle, knowing that the one who yelled was probably Jenn.

On my way to the table, I walk through the Leaders, whose eyes scan me quickly, Four turning to Tris and giving her a smile. She gets up and runs to me. "Hey!" She says, a wide smile on her face. 

I blush lightly but smile back. "Hello." 

"So, look at you." She claps. "You look amazing." She says and I chuckle nervously.

"I wouldn't go that far. It still feels so strange to show so much of my body..." I shake my head.

"Well, I would love if you showed me more of your body." A guy sitting on Tris' table says I recognize him as Peter, and I blush madly, not knowing how to respond.

"Cut the crap, Peter." I hear a strong voice saying and turn around to see Eric, he sits next to Peter, who rolls his eyes.

"Just a joke." Peter shrugs and I nod.

"You should work more on your jokes." I tell him.

He raises an eyebrow, a smirk now on his face. "So the Stiff speaks?"

I roll my eyes. "So she does, impressive, huh?" Tris smiles down at me. "What?" I raise an eyebrow.

"What have you done to Carrietta Roberts?" She asks with a short laugh and I shake my head. 

"I... Uh, actually have to go, you know, eat." I tell her and she gives me a quick hug before sitting back next to Four, they look sickly cute together.

"What was that?" James raises an eyebrow as I sit next to them. 

I shrug. "We were from the same Faction." I tell him and he nods.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. So, we were waiting for you but..."

"But he got hungry and we helped ourselves. Hope that's not a problem." Jenn says, biting her lip. I shake my head. 

"No, not at all. I'll go help myself and I'll be right back." I say, getting up and rushing to the line.

As the line starts walking, I blush as I notice a few boys scanning my body. It bothers me. Like a lot. But I shrug it off and keep walking.

"So, Carrietta Roberts." I hear someone saying and turn around, facing a 20-ish-year old boy. 

"Its Carrie, just Carrie." I say as I start helping myself.

"Okay, Carrie-Just-Carrie. You look pretty hot for a Stiff." He says, biting his lips and I blush.

"T-Thank you." I respond, taking my tray and going back to my table.

"Why did you run away? He was pretty hot." The Amity boy, Leonard, says as he sits close to me.

I roll my eyes. "I don't think he wanted to talk to me." 

"Of course he didn't. We're in Dauntless, sweetheart. He wants to fuck." He says and shrugs. I nearly choke.

"Don't use that word to describe sex, just don't." I shake my head.

"Oh, yeah. You're virgin, figures." He chuckles. "Don't worry, that'll change soon. I'm sure." He taps my arm and I shake my head.

When my fork falls on the ground, I bend over to pick it, but someone does it for me. I look up and blush as I see Eric, his face looks dark, but I can't actually tell what's in his eyes. 

"T-Thank you..." I mumble, but he walks back to his table, and I doubt he heard.

A couple of minutes later, I'm almost finishing my food, taking a piece of the Chocolate Cake and shoving it on my mouth.

"This is definitely the best thing I've ever eaten in my life." I say and I hear the others laughing.

"Poor thing, I still can't believe you'd never eaten chocolate." James says, shaking his head. I shrug.

"Well, I have now. And I love it." I smile, laughing with them.

"Huh, Carrie?" I hear Jenn saying and I look at her. 

"Yes?" I frown. "Something wrong?" 

"Eric is looking at you." She whispers and I roll my eyes. 

"No, he's not. He's probably just checking the Initiates." I say, focusing on the cake. 

"No. I'm pretty sure he's looking at _you." _ She says and I frown. 

"It's probably just your imaginat-" I cut myself as I turn around.

Blue tempestuous eyes meet mine. Fucking creep.


	7. I'll Make a Man Out of You

I could barely sleep. 

I waited with James until everyone was asleep, so we could rush to the Chasm and talk while everyone else was sleeping.

It was nice talking to James, I found out that he has 3 older siblings, and all of them chose to stay in Erudite. He also has a younger brother, and his Mother was a transfer from Amity. He told me he chose Dauntless when he first met Tris, Four and Peter, during the War. Because of his mother's heritage, they were allowed to stay in Amity during the chaos, and he worked a while on the farm. It was refreshing, or so he says, but when he first met the bravest people he knows, he instantly knew Dauntless was his place.

I told him about my sister, about how I tried to protect her, about how much I miss her, about how much I needed to see her. I showed him my diamond locket, a gift from my mother. It has a picture of my parents and another one of my sister. I told him about my childhood, about my parents, about all the restrictions that my father imposed me.

It felt so good talking to someone, trusting someone. I didn't tell him everything, of course. I left out all the bullying, all the mean comments and things people used to tell me. All the cuts I had on my wrists, all the tears I dropped. I couldn't tell him that. He would think I'm weak, he would think I don't belong here. Is that what Jenn thinks? Maybe.

It was about 3 or 4 am when we decided to go back to our dorm, and, in the second I fell asleep, I heard a loud knock on our door. Suddenly, strong footsteps echoed in the room. I opened my eyes quickly, and I could see James was still awake.

"You have 10 minutes to get ready and rush to the Training Room, number 201! No more no less! NOW!" Eric's strong voice filled the room, and I gasped as I got up, trying to kill the sleep that was punching my body and my brain. 

It took me about a whole minute to realize that I couldn't dress up in the bathroom, because Eric and Four were waiting for us, and it would take too long. I look around the room, the two blonde girls already starting to strip, which caused my stomach to turn. While the boys let out wolf whistles, one of the girls looks at me, and says something to her friend, making them laugh. I blush madly, they were laughing at me. Laughing at how ugly I am.

Finally, I gather enough courage to change, taking off my pants first. 

"Oh, look, the Stiff is actually pretty hot, eh?" I hear a boy saying and I blush, as they suddenly start looking at me. 

It takes a lot of patience to remain calm in those situations, but deep down, I'm actually happy that they noticed me, that they think I'm pretty. But I would much rather if they just said that I was pretty instead of harassing me with their stupid sexism.

Three minutes and a lot of wolf whistles later, I'm finally dressed up, my shoes already on.

"Can I borrow some of your makeup?" I ask Jenn, who's still yawning and rubbing her eyes, trying to put her pants on. She nods and I open the small drawer on our bunk, taking the makeup out and starting to work on my dark circles. I can't actually cover them, but I put a lot of mascara on, so my dark brown eyes can emphasize. 

"Look who learned how to wear makeup." I hear a nauseating voice saying behind me. "A pity that you still look like a pathetic Stiff." Blonde number 1 says, chuckling.

"A pity that you still look like a dramatic baby." I suddenly let out, causing everyone in the room to turn to us, and the girl to beat her feet out of the room, followed by her friend. 

"That. Was. Awesome! Didn't know you had it in you, Carrie!" Leonard says, tapping my back. I chuckle.

"Thank you, I don't even know where it came from, but well." I shrug, smiling. 

"You look really pretty." James says, smiling at me. I blush. "N-Not that you aren't pretty without the makeup... I, huh, I mean..." He rubs the back of his head and I chuckle. 

"I got it, J. Thank you." I playfully punch him. 

"Hey, watch the violence!" He plays. 

I roll my eyes ironically and we all walk to the training room, my heart beating fast.

Room 201 is enormous, and there are 10 targets on the walls, separated by 6 inches of distance. There's also a big ring that reminds me of fights, and that scares me a lot. I breathe nervously as the rest of the people starts to come in.

Suddenly, Eric and Four close the doors, and we all sit down. I wonder where the blonde girls are, because they're certainly not here, and my heart hurts as I think about the possibility of having been too harsh on that girl. That feeling quickly runs away as I see them entering the room, Eric positioning himself in front of them.

"You two are 3 minutes late." He say, crossing his arms, a frown on his face. 

The blonde number one, that I found out be 'Lucy', starts to play with her hair, a smirk on her face as she places one of her hands on Eric's shoulder. I frown as I realize what she's trying to do, I can't believe what I'm seeing.

"Is she...?" I start, looking at James and Jenn. 

"She is." Leonard answers, rolling his eyes. "No shame."

I shake my head, frowning as I see that Eric actually allowed them to come in after that. Ugh, he's such an ass.

"Well, now that you're _all _here, we can finally start your first day of Training." Four starts, glancing at Eric quickly.

"Today, you're gonna learn two things: How to use a gun, and, after Breakfast, how to fight." Eric says. "Line." He demands, and I quickly get up, following everyone and forming a line. 

He starts handing us guns, and my heart races as soon as my hands enter in contact with the cold object. I close my eyes and remember the shots, the screams, the blood. I remember the pain, my sister crying and my mother praying. I have to control myself not to cry, my hand holding the gun tightly. 

Suddenly, I see Four pointing a gun to Jenn's head, who freezes, not knowing what to do. The gun is completely ready, all he needs to do is pull the trigger.

Unconsciously, I feel my hand raising and pointing at Four's head. If he shoots her, I'll shoot him. Faction before Blood. Jenn is now my Faction, my family.

Eric and Four look at me, light smirks on their faces. Four puts the gun down, forcing me to do the same. Jenn smiles in my direction.

"That's the reaction I was waiting for, idiots." Four says, pointing at me. "You have guns on your hands, and they're not toys." He says. 

"In front of each one of you, there's a target. The objective is, obviously, to hit the bullseye. We will be watching. You can start now." Eric says, standing behind us while Four walks around the room. 

I look at Jenn and James, then at Leonard, and they all seem pretty scared. I look around, no one's shooting, why aren't they shooting? Oh, well. 

I shoot. 

The bullet doesn't hit the eye, but at least it hits the target, which makes me slightly happy. 

Soon, everyone's shooting, but so far no one has hit the eye, or ourselves. 

"Eric?" I hear Lucy saying, playing with her hair. "Can you help me?" She asks innocently. 

I turn around to see Eric rolling his eyes at her. "You're doing good, you don't need much help, but, if you think you do, you can ask Garrett, he's right next to you and he's doing pretty well." 

"Guess she's not used to be rejected." Leonard whispers, making us laugh.   
I shoot again, the bullet almost hitting the target. "Oh, c'mon!" I say, angry. 

"You're too tense." I hear a voice behind me saying, and I blush as I realise is Eric. "Stop focusing on the target, focus on the gun. On the bullet." He says. "Excuse me." He whispers and I suddenly feel his hands resting on my waist. "Here, flex your legs a little." He says, and I nod. "Now, focus on the gun. Only on the gun." He says, his hands going up to my arms, positioning me right. "Now relax." He says and I just stand there, frowning. "C'mon, Stiff, I know you can relax." He chuckles and I nod, emptying my head. "Now, hands on the trigger, just like that." He whispers on my ear, and I have to control myself not to shiver. "Shoot."

I shoot and almost cheer in happiness when the bullet hits the eye. 

"See? Not that hard. Now try by yourself." He says, stepping back. I nod, and breath deeply before pulling the trigger again, hitting the eye. I smile widely and look at him, he nods. "Good." He says before walking back to his position, next to Four. 

We keep shooting for, at least, one hour, replacing the bullets whenever we need to. When I feel my gun empty again, I rush to the table to replace the bullets, but Four stops me, and I frown. "Breakfast time." He says and I hear everyone sighing in relief. "You were good today, Carrie." Four says, smiling at me before turning to face the group. "So, now you'll all go have Breakfast, and right after, you'll come back, and we'll teach you losers how to fight." He says, opening the doors. 

I walk close to Jenn, James and Leo, who face me with confused looks, except for Leo, who holds a smirk. "What?" I ask, frowning.

"Eric was all touchy-feely with you." He says, playfully punching my arm. I roll my eyes.

"He was just helping me because I suck at shooting." I shrug and hear James chuckling. 

"Oh, don't be like that, I'm sure there's _something _you know how to do." He says, playful, and I pout. "How adorable." 

When we arrive at the Dining Hall (or Breakfast Hall? Well, whatever), we sit on a small table and start chatting before we eat. I suddenly see Theon and Emily, the Dauntless Born I've met yesterday, and I wave at them, calling them to sit with us. Once they sit, I smile at them. 

"Guys, this is Emily, and Theon, they're twins." I tell and everyone waves, smiling at the new friends. 

"So, how's your training going?" Theon ask me, a smirk playing on his face. I suddenly realize that he probably does that a lot. 

I shrug. "It's going well, I managed to hit the eye of the target." I smile and he nods. 

"Don't forget the way Eric got all touchy-feely with you." James says and I blush madly, punching his shoulder. 

"Eric? You mean, Leader-Eric?!" Emily asks, smirking. "He's dangerously hot! You go, girl!" She says, patting my arm and I roll my eyes. 

"It was nothing, he only helped me to shoot once." I roll my eyes. "He probably just thought that my pathetic shooting needed help." I shrug. 

"Eric doesn't _help_ people." Emily says, chuckling. "But, if you say it was nothing, then it was nothing. It's not like you two are going to bed or anything." 

I blush and hide my face on my hands. "She's a virgin." Leo say, smirking and I glare at him. 

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. But you got your first kiss already, right?" Emily asks and everyone turns to face me. 

"I... Huh... I..." I blush and nod, not wanting to remember. "Yeah, once." 

Jenn bites her lip, she remembers. "Well, changing the subject. I love your necklace." She says to Emily, who smiles. 

"Thanks, family gift." She says. 

"I love your smile." Theon says to Jenn, who hands him a smirk before throwing a wink. I chuckle.

Breakfast was good, Theon and Jenn started talking and flirting, while the rest of us watched, annoyed. I had chocolate muffins, bacon and eggs, with some strawberry juice, that James told me was the most cultivated fruit in Amity. 

As we finished, everyone followed to their respective Training Room, and, as we arrived, Eric and Four were waiting for us, the targets now replaced by punching bags. 

"Listen, you have one hour to train, to hit those things as strongly as you can, and, after it, we'll start the fights!" Eric yells, leaving me shocked. 

"Fights?!" Jenn asks. 

"Yes, or you think that you're learning how to catch butterflies?" Eric asks her, an eyebrow raised. 

I take her wrist and pull her close to my punching bag. "It's okay, we can do it." I assure her.

"We'll have to fight! I can't do it, I can't fight. I don't want to go back home." She shakes her head. 

"You're not going back home! None of us are! Do you hear me? We'll be okay. Now hit those things." I tell her and she nods. 

"My mother could punch better than you, Erudite!" Eric yells at Jenn, who's trying her best. I know I have to keep calm, keep my mouth shut, but I just want to punch him. 

"She's trying!" I almost yell at him. Suddenly, everyone stops what they're doing and looks at Eric, waiting for his reaction. He walks closer to me, and my heart starts beating fast, but I can't move. 

"Don't raise your voice at me." He simply says his coffee breath hitting my face, all I can do is nod while he turns around and places himself on Four's side. 

Four holds a list up. 

"First fight, Daniel and James." Four says and James gasps. 

Daniel, transfer from Candor, is twice as large as James, but James can beat him in height. I smile sweetly at him. "You can do it." I tell him before he runs to the stage.

He couldn't do it. 

Three punches later, James is lying on the floor, his nose bleeding. 

"Get up! Stop being weak and soft like that!" Eric yells at James, who tries to get up, but is sent back to the ground by a kick in the stomach. 

"That's enough!" I say. "You can't let him die."   
Eric looks at me, his eyebrow's raised. "I can't?" He asks.

"You have only 10 transfer-initiates, probably 3 of us will go back home at the end. I'm pretty sure you need him more than he needs you." I tell him, crossing my arms as I step closer to the ring. 

Eric glares at me. "Off the stage, you two." He says and James gets out, holding his nose. "First to Jump and Last to Jamp, on the stage." He says and I gasp, stepping on the stage. 

I almost fall as I see I'm fighting Lucy, who's taller and probably stronger than me. Fuck, he must be punishing me. Congrats, Carrie, that's for you to learn how to shut up. 

Lucy is taller and stronger, yes. But I'm faster. I can dodge her hits fast, and hold her leg as she tries to kick me. But is not enough to Eric. "You know whats the objective of a fight, Stiff? It's to fucking hit the adversary!" Eric yells, and, as I'm distracted looking at him, Lucy sends me to the ground, making me yell in pain. 

"Off, all of you!" Four says.

It was a long day. I can barely feel my stomach, and I feel like if I try to eat, I'll pass out. 

But, luckily, after a long shower, I can finally go to sleep. 

I hold my locket close to me, kissing it before falling asleep quickly.

_"Run, you idiot! Run!" I hear my mother saying and I gasp. "RUN! THEY'RE COMMING!"   
_

_I try my best to run, to save my sister, but, as soon as I reach her little body, tears come to my eyes as I see the blood. They killed her. Eric killed her. _

I wake up breathing heavily, I can't see anything, but I can distinguish two shadows in front of me. 

"What the fuc-" My sentence is cut as I feel a large object hitting my head, and I can almost taste the blood. 

And, suddenly, I felt nothing.


	8. Scars

_When I was little, my father used to lock me in a small room we had on the second floor every time I did something he didn't want me to. Example? When I ran away with Jenn to the Erudite Headquarters to play hide and seek and see the beautiful paintings they had; or maybe when I was late for dinner because I spent to much time at school studying with Jenn.  
_

_The small room was always dark, and father used to give me a candle and some matches, and then he locked the door and left me there, alone, for hours, until way after the candle was finished.   
_

_That's why I hate small places.   
_

_I hear my Father's voice, telling me that I should behave, that I should obey.   
_

_It's like I'm suffocating. Is like the air is being sucked off my lungs. It feels like hell. _

When I opened my eyes, I gasped as a black bag covered my face, the thick fabric preventing me from seeing what was happening around me. But I could feel it, the wind blowing, the laughs of two, maybe three people, and my body was being dragged somewhere. 

The cold wind cuts my skin as a girls voice whispers: "Here's fine." She says and another person starts to lift the bag from my head. I close my eyes, pretending that I'm asleep, so I can know more about what they're doing. 

"What do we do now?" Another female voice answered and a third pair of hands slaps me in the face, I open my eyes quickly, sighing as I realize it's too dark to see anything. 

"Oh, look who's awake." A strong male voice says, and I blink fast to adjust my eyes to the darkness. 

I look around, no windows, no door visible, and it's a tiny room. I start breathing heavily, "What's going on?" I ask and look around, trying to find the people who brought me here. Someone laughs, is a high pitched voice, a female voice, that I recognize even in the darkness. Lucy. The girl from Erudite that apparently hates me. I roll my eyes.

"Seriously? You're mad at me because of a stupid comment? How old are you, seven?"

She clenches her jaw, sending a hand harshly against my face and I fall on the ground, anger boiling my veins. I get up, sending my fist against her and watching as she falls on the ground, a growl leaving her lips. "Tie her!" She yells and the two other shadows grab my arms, forcing me to sit down on a chair and tying my wrists on the chair's arms. I start to panic, are they going to leave me here? How far am I from the dorms? What if I yell? 

The last question is soon answered by a pair of arms tying some kind of fabric around my head, preventing me from talking. I start growling, moving my arms frenetically, trying to get away from that chair. "Lach!" I yell, trying to say Lucy's name. 

She laughs. "How sweet." She takes a few steps closer to take the fabric out of my mouth. "You know, I always wanted to know how it sounds when an Abnegation whore begs for her life." She smirks. "Can you help me to find out?" 

I clench my jaw, looking into her eyes before sending a knee harshly against her body. She takes a few steps back and growls, cleaning her face before saying something to the girl next to her, and I'm not shocked to see is the exact same girl that's always with her. The boy, though, I can't recognize, maybe because I've never heard his voice and his face is covered by some kind of bag.

The second girl, whose name I don't know (and honestly don't care), takes a few steps closer to me, securing the knot on the fabric covering on my mouth before taking off a knife from her pocket. I frown, where did she get that knife? She smirks at me. "Let's start this party, shall we?" She says and sticks the knife on my skin. 

I yell against the fabric, feeling nauseated as I smell the blood coming from my flesh. She passes the knife through my skin like she was drawing something, and every second is like my life is being sucked out of my body. 

I glance at my arm, I can't see what she did, but I can see the small pool of blood on the ground, and tears of pain coming out of my eyes. Lucy takes a step closer and takes the fabric from my mouth. "Anything you want to say, Stiff?" She asks and the girl who stabbed my arm laughs. I clench my jaw but remain silent. She's not gonna make me beg. "Okay, then." 

The other girl takes a few steps closer to me again, smirking and chuckling before sticking the knife on my right arm. I hold my screams inside, closing my eyes and bending my head so I don't have to see the blood. 

It's worse than the other. I don't know what she's done, but the blood starts forming a full pool on the ground, and I try not to yell, not to give up, even though every muscle of my skin tells me to do it.

I don't know how long I'm here, all I know is that I can't give up. For all I know, it could be 10 minutes, but it feels like hours, almost days.

I keep my head out as a strong hand is sent against my skin, and I have to struggle to keep my eyes open while they laugh, sending more blood to the ground. 

The next events occur very fast. The door, that I didn't even know existed, is opened quickly and three people come in, while Lucy, the girl and the boy try to run away, but the boy is sent to the floor with a harsh punch from another man. 

A body stands next to me, untying my hands and yelling confuse words on my ears. I look up, seeing messy blonde hair and a pair of dark eyes staring at me, I cough and spit blood on the person, who calls another person, and a pair of strong arms lift me up, as I slowly drift to sleep, darkness involving me. 

When I wake up, I can see the sun penetrating through the window, and as I start to move, I can see tubes connected to my arms, and I frown. "She's awake." A deep female voice echoes on my head and I groan, as I hand forces my mouth open and sticks some pills in it. I swallow it, and cough as I feel the horrible taste.

A shadow comes near me, and I feel small as I look up and my eyes meet Eric's. "How are you feeling?" He asks, and I can hear something like concern on his voice. He cleans his throat before changing the concerned look to a serious one. 

I try to find my voice, and when I do, it sounds dry. "I'm... Fine." I say, shrugging. "My head hurts a little but it's okay. What time is it? How long did I sleep?" I ask, looking around. 

"Don't worry, you haven't missed much. It's 8 am time for breakfast. Though you don't need to eat if you don't want to. You slept for, like, 5 hours." He says and I sigh in relief, lifting my legs off the sheets and searching for my shoes. Eric holds my hand and looks at me with concern again. "You shouldn't be out of bed, you lost a lot of blood..." 

"I'm fine." I cut him. "I'm going to take a shower, then I'm going to the Dining Hall, then I'll go to today's practice." I say and he raises an eyebrow.

"You don't need to, you can rest if..." 

"I'm fine!" I yell and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just hate being sick. I'm fine. See, I can walk." I say, taking the tubes off my arms and putting on my boots. 

"If you say so." He shrugs. "Let me at least follow you to the dorm." 

I nod. "Fine." I say, and even though I tell him it isn't necessary, he passes his arm around my waist, asking me to put my weight on him. "Thank you, Eric, really. But you don't need to do that." I tell him. 

"You could've died, you know? The nurses had to throw Tris away, because she wanted to spend the night there." He says. 

"She's a great person." I smile. "Why did they allow you to stay?" 

"I'm Eric." He says simply and I chuckle. 

"Well, that explains a lot." I agree.

"Before you go inside." He starts, looking into my eyes. I blush madly, but there's something about his eyes... I just can't stop looking. "Who did this to you?" 

I finally look down. "Just leave it." I say and he shakes his head.

"Someone tried to kill you. We may be crazy here at Dauntless, but murderers are not welcome." 

"Eric. Just leave it. I have my own revenge to plan." I say and he raises an eyebrow. "I'm not going to kill anyone, don't worry." 

He nods before opening the door, and I thank him as I enter the room.

The first thing I feel is a strong pair of arms around me, and I look up to see James. I chuckle and try to look behind me, but Eric is already gone. "I was so worried... They didn't let us in, they said you were sleeping." He says, looking into my eyes. "Are you okay? How do you feel?" 

"For fuck sake, James. You're suffocating the poor girl." Leonard's voice hits me and I smile, feeling James' arms leaving me. Leonard walks close to me, a smile on his face as he checks me. "You seem pretty alive, little." He says and I nod. 

"I'm fine. Seriously, guys. No need to worry." I say as I walk to my bed, grabbing some clothes out of a bag before being hugged tightly again. I smile as I realize is Jenn. "Hey, there." 

"God, I was so worried! I swear to God, I'm going to kill whoever did this to you." She says and I chuckle.

"That's really sweet from you, Jenn. But there's no need to worry. I just want to take a long shower, and then eat my breakfast." I tell her, taking my towel and my clothes. "You coming with me?" I ask and she nods quickly, giving me her arm to hold on.

I close the bathroom door and look in all the cabins before turning to face Jenn. "It was Lucy." I tell her and she gasps. 

"WHAT?!" She says, opening her eyes widely and walking closer to me. 

"Lucy, that other blonde and a boy. I didn't recognized the boy's voice, though. But I know he was a little bit older than us, by his height and voice, I could tell." I say and she shakes her head.

"That bitch! Aren't you going to do anything?" 

"Oh, I am." I smirk as I start taking my clothes off. "But you'll have to wait until breakfast to find out." I wink.

As I enter the shower, I bite my lips as the water penetrates the white bandages on my arms. I sigh and decide to take them off, also noticing bruises on my skin. I look at the cuts and shake my head, finally finding out what that girl did to me, and why they covered it. 

I step out of the shower about 10 minutes later, finding Jenn already dressed up, a big and flat device on her hands that I recognize as a tablet. I smile at her and she smiles back at me, frowning as her eyes fall on my scars. I nod. "Yes, they did it. No, I don't want to talk about it. It'll just make me angrier." I say.

"Do you want me to cover it with some makeup?" She asks, putting the tablet down and walking towards me, but I shake my head.

"No. I want them to see it. I want everyone to see. I don't care about what they'll think." I say and start dressing up, not even bothering on covering the bruises on my lips and cheeks. Let them all see, I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed of surviving. 

I glance at my arms one last time. The left and the right one are bruised, and there are light red scars on the places where the knife was passed. I clench my jaw once again as I read the words. 

_STIFF_   
_WEAK_


	9. Revenge Tastes Like Blood

_When I was little, there was this big talent show at our school, and I wanted to subscribe. I wanted to sing a song, a lullaby my mother used to sing me, but when I walked to the secretary and took a pencil to write my name on it, I found out that I wasn't allowed to participate. You see, to participate you had to write your name, age and Faction. I was 12 when it happened, so I ran to Beatrice and Caleb, and asked them why we weren't allowed to participate, and they told me it was because of our faction, no one on Abnegation could sing on those talent shows.   
_

_So, when the day came, I sat on the chair, and watched every single one of my friends from other factions go to the stage and sing, dance or/and play.   
_

_But you wanna know what?   
_

_I'm tired of sitting and watching. _

"You sure you don't want to go now?" Jenn asked me as we left the bathroom. 

I smile at her, shaking my head and taking my bag. "Don't tell anyone I'm going, I'll just go to the Library for a second and I'll be there in a few minutes... Don't forget to write my name on the FS." 

She nods and kisses my cheek before rushing to the Dining Hall. I watch her leave, making my way to the Library and smiling to the Librarian as I come in. 

"Hey, sweetie, looking for something specific?" She asks me and I nod, walking closer to her counter. 

"Would you have a fight guide around? Like, 'Fight for Dummies' or anything like that?" I ask her and she chuckles, nodding quickly before guiding me through a large corridor, then showing me a bookshelf with the word 'Lessons' written in red. 

"Help yourself." She winks and walks away.

I don't even bother saying 'Thank you', because she's probably too far from me to hear, anyway. So, I just stand there, looking at some books before finally finding something interesting.

I look at the clock before getting up, it's been ten minutes since Jenn and I last talked, and I'm pretty sure that, by now, Lucy probably thinks I'm too weak to attend Breakfast, or that I gave up. Either option is good because I'm sure she'll be happy to see that I'm perfectly okay.

After muttering a goodbye to the Librarian, I walk through the halls, looking around at the paintings and cameras. I stop as I see the Dining Hall doors, breathing in and looking at my arm. The Librarian, Camil, said that every year some transfer pulls some stupid shit like that, and she also told me that it's okay to be afraid. Lucky for me, I'm not afraid. 

I glance at my scars once again. I've been called Stiff my whole life, only because I was from Abnegation. But weak? That's something I can't take. I'm sure Lucy has no idea of how war works, I'm sure she never had to hide with her sister, to take a bullet for a family member, after all, the Erudite were pretty safe on their Head Quarters, but after all I've done, after all I've been through, I only have one certainty:

I'm not fucking weak. 

I take a deep breath before opening the doors, and, as I walk in, I look around to find my friends. When I find them (thanks to James), I wave and doesn't take long for people to notice my scars. 

I walk through the crowd of people, talking, whispering about my scars, about the words carved on my skin. I smile at them, my heart beating fast as I spot Tris on the crowd, calling me to come closer. I look at Jenn and point at Tris, she nods, and I walk to Tris' table, smiling widely as I see her. 

Her eyes fall on my scars, as do everyone else's, and a firm line is drawn on her lips. "Who?" She asks, and I know she's asking about the person who did it, but I shake my head, my eyes falling on Tobias, Eric and Peter, or Peeta, who knows. I wave at them, and Tobias smiles at me, while Eric looks at me with an actuaç smile, like he's surprised that I'm actually here, but, also, happy. I blush as his eyes meet mine, looking at Tris and clearing my throat. 

"So, what are we going to do today?" I ask her and she raises her eyebrows. 

"Sorry?" She asks me and I roll my eyes. 

"Training." I chuckle.

She frowns. "You don't actually need to-" 

"I've already tried to convince her to rest, Prior. Don't waste your time." Eric says before shoving some bacon in his mouth. "Besides, is going to be an interesting practice." He smirks before turning his attention back to his plate.

Tris shakes her head. "You can't be serious. Some idiot attacked you, that's a crime!"

I smile. "I know, but, you know what they say. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I wink and look behind me as a tall, olive-skinned and black haired boy takes a microphone, and jumps on a table. He starts presenting the FS, which stands Free Show, but a lot of people like to call it 'Freak Show', which is basically a talent show that happens every day during breakfast, where Initiates or Faction Members can show their 'talents'.

"Carrie Roberts." I hear him saying and smile, looking back at Tris and the boys, who seem shocked. 

I chuckle and pat Tris' shoulder. "Well, that's my call." 

All my life I've dreamed of performing, and all my life I've been not allowed to do it due to the fact that I was an Abnegation, but now, now that I'm on my way to be Dauntless, I just don't give a shit about my parents' rules anymore. 

As I take the mic, I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I try to keep calm as I tap the mic a couple of times. "Uh, so, my name is Carrie Roberts, as you may already know..." I say and I hear a few people laughing. "And this song is dedicated to a _special _friend of mine." I say, clearing my throat, I spot Lucy in the crowd and smile. "But first, I would like to say something. As you may have seen, or heard, last night I had a little... Incident, with some fellow initiates." I chuckle, showing them my scars. "And they gave me these. Now, as you all may know, Stiff is a word normally designated to angry Abnegation people, because _they _are too selfless. Yes, I was born in Abnegation, but being up here now is kind of a personal test, so we can cut the Stiff word off the list." I wink, passing my index finger on a straight line above my 'stiff' scar.

I look at the guy who was on the table minutes ago and signal him to turn the music on. He nods at me and presses a button, and I hear the heavy music filling my ears, that's enough to make the Dauntless People go crazy. 

But I don't stop there, I get off the stage, holding the mic firmly on my hands as I walk, singing as best as I can, and I make my way to Lucy's table, a smirk on my lips as I realize everyone can see us here. I bring one of my hands to her shoulder, then to her hair, caressing it slowly before singing: "(...) _Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change. And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged. I'm sorry, honey, but I passed it up, now look this way. Well, there's a million other girls that do it just like you. Looking as innocent as possible to get to who they want and what they like, it's easy if you do it right, well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse." _  
After that part, I curl a lock of her hair on my fingers and smile, turning around to walk back to the table. 

A round of applause receives me as I step on stage for the second time, blowing a kiss to Lucy before going to the table were Jenn, James, Leo, Em and her brother, Theon, were sitting. I sit down next to Jenn, who gives me a full smile. "You just... That was... Oh, god!" She says, wrapping her arms around my body. "It's been so long since I've heard you sing, you're still talented." She says, patting my head. 

I roll my eyes. "It wasn't that good, but I suppose it was interesting." 

"Are you kidding?" Theon says, his brown medium hair dancing on an invisible wind, he shoots me a smile full of piercings before chuckling. "That was so awesome! You were awesome! And what you did was..." 

"Awesome?" Jenn completes, making everyone laugh. 

"I didn't know you could sing, Carrie. It was amazing, really." James says, smiling at me with a mouth full of cake. I chuckle.

"Yeah, but..." Leo starts and everyone turns to look at him. "The second part of the fight is right after breakfast, and you're hurt. Are you sure you want to go? What if Eric puts you to fight her?" 

"Eric wouldn't do that." Jenn and James say at the same time, both blushing and staring at their plates right after. 

"He would." I say, calmly getting up. "And I'm counting on that." 

Right after that episode, we all make our way to Room 201, standing in front of the ring. A smile comes to my face as I think about the tactics I've learned from that book, but I know that theory is one thing, practice is another. Unfortunately, my smile falls as I see Eric coming into the room with Lucy, her hand on his shoulder and her head resting on his arm. That, for some reason, infuriates me. Maybe because I know she's just trying to get his affection to succeed in Training.

I shake my head and roll my eyes, sticking my nails deep on my arms until I can almost feel the skin tearing. I look at Jenn, who's trying not to lose her mind as she glances worriedly at me, then glares at Lucy. Then back at me, then at Lucy. An infinite cycle. 

I clench my jaw and take a deep breath before walking to Eric (_and Lucy), _everyone's eyes following me as I stand in front of them. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" I ask, receiving a glare from Lucy.

"What makes you think I want to talk to you?" She asks raising an eyebrow.

I chuckle. "Sweetheart, I have nothing to say to you. I was talking to our Instructor." I say, pointing my head at Eric, who raises his eyebrows and nods, removing Lucy from him in a fast and blunt move. 

"Everything alright? Are you feeling dizzy or something?" He asks worried and I blush, rubbing the back of my neck before shaking my head.

I take a deep breath and look into his eyes before saying. "I want to fight her." 

"Are you mad? She almost killed you last time. And you're in no condition to-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Eric! I don't care if she almost killed me..." I say, sighing. "Look, everyone here thinks I'm weak, Including you, so can you please give a chance to prove to them... Better, to prove to myself, that I'm not?"

He sighs before looking at Lucy, who's happily talking to her friend, and then looks back at me and nods. "The last fight is yours."

I watched as Jenn kicked Hayden's (Lucy's friend) ass, and also the stupid and comic fight between James and Leo, that ended on a tie. Other people went to the mat as well, like two other Erudite boys and a pair of Candor boys. Finally, it was my turn. "Next, Carrie and Lucy." Eric says. 

I can almost hear everyone gasping as I step into the mat. Everyone's eyes follow me and Lucy as we face each other, waiting for Four's signal. He whistles. 

I start by defending myself, stepping behind so I can dodge Lucy's fists. Finally, I take a chance to attack, pretending like I'm gonna punch and taking her off guard to throw her on the ground with a kick. She falls but quickly gets up, sending her fist harshly against my stomach. "Looking for a place you haven't already bruised?" I ask and she smirks, trying to send another punch at me. I dodge. 

I squat and try to throw her down again, but unfortunately, she sends a kick on my leg and I fall. I quickly get up, anger boiling on my veins as I send a hard punch on her face, bringing her down.

I kick her ribs once, twice, three times before I realise that I'm hurting another human being. Then, I stop, looking at her as she sends me a hurt look. Not a glare, not a grimace, an injured look. 

And that's when it hits me, being Dauntless is not about hurting people. "Being Dauntless is knowing when to stop," I tell her, extending my hand at her. She raises an eyebrow. "I'm not going to hurt you. The fight is over. I won." I shrug and she nods, taking my hand and slowly getting up. I look at her lip and sigh. "You should get that checked." I say, taking a towel from a pile and handing to her. "It was a nice fight." I say as we get down.

I glance at Four and Eric, they seem both shocked and amazed, and I shoot them a smile. "Thank you." I hear a low voice saying and I raise an eyebrow as my eyes meet Lucy's. "You didn't need to do that..."

When she speaks, it hits me: Lucy never laid a finger on me, every single moment of torture, it was Hayden. Her voice. It was her idea, and I just punched a girl to get rid of my anger. 

"Well, initiates. That's it for today. As it's a Saturday, we're finishing early and you can explore the Headquarters and all, just don't get in any trouble." Four says. "Nice job, we'll see you on Monday." 

I gather with my friends as I take a towel to get rid of that sweat. Jenn smiles lightly at me. "God, that was amazing! You were so amazing!" 

"And that whole 'The fight is over' thing? Priceless." James says, patting my back. 

As we prepare to get out, someone clears their throat, making me look behind. My eyes meet Eric's, and we all look at him with a questioning look, including Four. 

"And Carrie, for the record..." He says. "I never thought you were weak."


	10. Free

"So, what do you feel like doing today, little fighter?" James asks and I chuckle, playfully punching him in the arm.

"Little fighter? Seriously?"

"Well, you did kick Lucy's ass up there, sweetcheeks." Leo says and I blush, shaking my head.

"I feel horrible, though." I shrug. "It felt wrong, even after everything."

I keep secret the fact that Lucy wasn't the one to cut me and beat me that night, in fact, all I want to do now is ignore that night.

James nods. "I understand that." He says, smiling gently at me.

"You do?" Em asks playfully, smiling. 

"Well, it may be strange for you _Dauntless born _to understand, but outside Dauntless, hitting someone is something utterly very much frowned upon." James says, rolling his eyes and chuckling.

Theon shrugs. "Yeah, because y'all are a bunch of pussies."

"Well, I'm impressed you even know what that is." I joke.  
Theon shakes his head and blushes, playfully punching my arm.

"Seriously, though." I say, sighing. "I just want to take a shower and forget what happened, I'll meet you guys later, 'kay?" I explain.

They all nod and wave, making their way to the Pit as I return to the Initiates dorms. 

I walk through the hallways, counting the entrances so I wouldn't get lost - Yes, it has happened before. 

As soon as I find the dorms, I slowly push the door open and scan the room, smiling as I think that's empty. Unfortunately, I see a shadow and a person soon comes out from behind the bunks. "Oh... Hi, Lucy." I say awkwardly, noticing the bruises on her body. "Look, I'm really so-" I start, but she cuts me.

"No, _I'm_ sorry." She says, walking closer to me and standing in front of me. "I'm sorry for agreeing with Hayden's sick plan and shit, I'm sorry for letting her hurt you and just watching it like a psycho, and I'm really sorry you have to walk around with these." She points at my scars.

I nod. "It's okay, they barely hurt now." I lie.

"It's just... Hayden has this sick little crush on Eric, and since the two of you are together she got-"

"Wait, what?" I cut her, frowning. "Eric and I are _not_ together. We're barely know each other. He's my _instructor_, and that's that. In fact, I highly doubt he even cares about anyone." I don't know why, but saying this made my heart hurt in a way I never thought it would.

She chuckles. "You guys aren't together?" She asks and I shake my head. "Oh... So you _haven't_ seen the looks he gives you?" She smiles.

"What looks?" I blush. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I can assure you that I'm not dating, or kissing, or hooking up with Eric Coulter." I say, folding my arms.

She nods gently. "Then... You're single?" She asks shyly and I nod. "Oh..." She says surprisedly. 

I frown. "Something wrong?" 

"No... It's just... I thought... Well..." She starts, confused.

I place a hand on her shoulder. "You can tell me, really." I say.

She looks down at me, a weak smile playing on her lips, she's probably a whole foot taller than me. Slowly, but carefully, she looks into my eyes and presses her lips against mine. My eyes go wide as her lips dance against mine, her left hand now on my hips. After a few seconds of shock, I slowly pull away, and she looks at me with wide eyes before scratching the back of her head, taking a few steps back and looking down. "Shit, I'm sorry..." She starts.

I shake my head. "It's okay, there's no need to be sorry, you just... Caught me by surprise, I guess." 

"Please tell me that wasn't your first kiss." She says, chuckling.

"Was it that bad?" I chuckle. "No, it wasn't, I was like thirteen when I first kissed." I shrug. "It's a sad story, actually." 

"Mind telling me?" She says, sitting on a random bunk. 

I nod and walk closer to her, sitting next to her. "Well..." 

_There was this boy, Nathan, whom I really, really liked. He was a Candor. We were just kids, obviously, but we were friends. Not close or anything, because he was really talkative and I was really shy, but we always sat together at lunch, with Jenn, and talked about a little bit of everything.   
_

_One day, the three of us, Jenn, Nathan and I, were walking home when we saw this little grey flower, growing up on the side of a building. So, I bowed down and picked the flower up, rushing to Nathan and giving it to him. He smiled and thanked me, taking it and keeping it on his pocket._

_The next day, when we were at school, I ran to see him with Jenn, and she stayed close to the gates as I walked to him. There was this girl in our class, you see, Amanda, she was an Amity, and probably the most beautiful girl in our whole class. I saw when Nathan took the flower off his pocket, intact, and gave it to Amanda. She smiled and gently kissed his cheek, thanking him before walking away. Nathan turned around and saw me, he waved gently and ran to me. "Thank you for the flower again, I think she liked it." He says and I nodded, biting my lip as I tried to hold in the tears. Nathan turned to kiss my cheek, but I turned my head right on the moment so that he wouldn't see my teared up eyes, unfortunately, his lips crashed onto mine, sending shivers to my spine, and I began to kiss him._

_It lasted like, two seconds before the pulled away and frowned. "You didn't actually think I liked you, right? Because I don't. No one does." He said, turning around and rushing back to the school building. _

"So I stood there, shocked, hurt and sad, as I watched him walk back to school. Jenn quickly came to me and hugged me, letting me cry on her arms." I say, sighing.

"Unfortunately, a boy a little bit older than us saw it and heard Nathan, and in the next week everyone was calling me Rejected Carrie." I finish.

Lucy shakes her head. "That's not just horrible, it's disgusting! How could he say something like that to you?"

"He was a Candor." I shrug. "It's what they do." 

"Yeah, but... That was unnecessary." She sighs. "Did you talk to him again?" 

I shake my head. "I tried, but after I while I just gave up. He could move on with his life, I didn't care."

"So, what happened to him?"

"He's still dating Amanda. He chose Amity." I tell her.

"That son of a bitch." She says shaking her head.

"Yea', guess you can call him that." I shrug. "Well, it was good talking to someone about it." I sigh. "Look, I'm sorry for not feeling the same-"

"It's okay." She smiles, gently squeezing my hand. "I didn't know how to ask if you were gay, so I just went for it. I should've asked, it was a douchy thing to do."

"It's fine, but I would recommend you ask next time you do that." I chuckle. "I'm going to take a shower, then I'm going to the Pit to meet my friends, do you wanna come?" I ask.

She smiles shyly. "You really don't mind?" 

I shake my head. "Not at all." 

"Then I would love to, and I guess I'll take a shower too, that fight was really something." 

Lucy doesn't take much time on her shower, which I think is amazing since I'm not one for a long shower either, and we dress up together while talking about our old lives in the Factions. "So, she was all like 'I don't really want to date you anymore', that's it. And I was all like 'Okay then'" She says and I laugh.

"And you didn't get hurt?" I ask.

"Nah, sometimes we just date people because everyone else is too, and we want to fit in. Truth is, I wasn't really popular in my old faction, but when I chose Dauntless, I wanted to-"

"Start over." I nod. "I understand that, a lot. But, lucky me, Tris has known me since I was a little baby." I chuckle. "So is a little hard to forget the past, especially with all that happened." 

She nods. "I know what you mean, I still have nightmares." She says, shakingly. "You look good." 

I smile, looking in the mirror. "Thank you, it's rare for me to feel good." I chuckle.

After that whole episode, we walk to the Pit, finding everyone at the Tattoo Studio. I wave gently, Jenn and James sending me weird looks when they see Lucy. "They hate me." She says embarrassed. 

I shake my head, walking to them. "It's okay, guys. She's harmless." I say and they nod reluctantly.

"She's not, though." Em says. "I've seen you fight, girl. You're talented." 

Lucy blushes slightly, which is very visible because of her porcelain skin. "Thank you..." She says, smiling gently. 

"So, do you guys want tattoos or...?" Theon asks excitedly, I chuckle.

"Why not?" I ask, walking through the room to see some drawings, I find some which catch my eye, but then I think about the pain and shake my head. 

"Hey there." A tall guy with light blue hair and blue eyes says approaching me. He smirks.

I smile gently. "Hi." 

"So... Did you forget your boobs at your old faction or what?" He says and I blush madly, clenching my fists as I turn around and go look back at the tattoos. "Come on, I'm sure you can grow some... In a decade or two." He laughs.

"Hey, man, apologize to the lady." A strong voice behind us says and I turn around, facing a tall, brown-skinned boy with chocolate brown eyes and messy hair. It's weird, because he looks a bit like me, yet I've never seen him before.

"What if I don't?" The blond guy asks, folding his arms over his chest. 

The other boy shakes his head. "I wasn't asking." He says, pulling the blond guy by the neck of his shirt and dragging him closer to me. "Come on." 

"I-I'm sorry." The blond guy says and I nod. 

The other guy let's go of him and he quickly runs away, leaving us. "Thank you." I say smiling. "Really, you didn't have to." 

"Oh, but I did. Gale is always an asshole, especially with girls, I've been wanting to kick his ass for a while, guess I'll have to wait a little more." He laughs. "I'm Calum, you?" He says holding his hand out for me to shake. 

"Carrie." I say, shaking his hand. 

"Oh, yes, the full Divergent!" He smiles. "Sorry, it must be really annoying to be called that." 

"I've been called worse." I shrug. "It's okay, it's who I am." I smile. 

He nods. "Nice. So, Carrie, you here for a tattoo?" He asks.

I shrug. "I'm not a fan of needles, but it seems pretty fun." I smile. "You?" 

He shakes his head. "Nah, ma' sister works here, and she wanted me to bring her food." He shrugs.

"I see, I might get my tattoo with her, then." I smile. 

He nods. "She's the best, come on, I'll introduce you two." 

I nod and follow him to a big room inside the Studio, where we find a tall girl, about two to five years older than us, cleaning the needles and organizing the ink. Calum places her lunch on a table then smiles at her. "Oh, 'ello." She smiles, standing up to hug him. They have the same thick accent, a very uncommon one. Her eyes soon fall on me and she smirks. "Your girlfriend?" 

He rolls his eyes. "I just met her." He says, taking my hand and pulling me closer. "Natasha, this is Carrie, Carrie, Natasha." He says, introducing us.

"It's nice to meet you." I smile. "My mother's name is Natasha." I chuckle.

"Small world, isn't it?" She smiles. "It's nice to meet you, too, honey. You looking for a tattoo?" She asks.

"Actually, I am." I say, showing her my scars. "I had a little accident, and I would like to get a tattoo on my wrist." I say.  
Her eyes widen as she sees the scars, but she doesn't ask, instead she takes a few drawings and shows me. "I've done those ones especially for wrists, they aren't out there yet, they're kind of special." She smiles.

I look at the drawings and smile, picking the one in the middle. "Oh, nice." Calum says in approval.

I sit down as Natasha asks, getting comfortable as Natasha takes my arm and cleans it with alcohol before turning the needle on. "Jesus Christ." I mumble and she laughs, along with Calum. 

"Don't worry, just close your eyes." She says and starts the tattoo, I open my eyes and frown.

"That's... It?" I ask chuckling and she nods. 

Thirty minutes later, she smiles as she lets go of my arm, covering it with a blue liquid that I assume was invented in Erudite. "Well, it's done and healed, enjoy it." She says as I hand her my card before looking at the tattoo. I slowly trace it with my fingers before smiling. 

"You're an artist!" I say excitedly. 

"I know, right?" She chuckles, giving me the card back. 

I smile as I get up, waving goodbye at her and getting out of the room to meet the others. Jenn is the first one to notice, but not the tattoo. "Made a new friend, huh?" She says smirking at me. 

I blush as Calum puts his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. "Actually, we're married." He says seriously before exploding in laughter.

I roll my eyes as I get out of his grip and turn to him. "You're an idiot." I chuckle. 

"Yea', but I'm a hot idiot." He says, winking.

"Can't disagree with that." I say, winking back. "Guys, this is Calum. Calum, these are Jenn, James, Lucy, Leo-"

"Em and Theon." He smiles. "Already know the last ones." He chuckles. 

"Oh, right, you're dauntless born." I say, nodding and he follows. "Okay, other than that, I got a tattoo, duh." I say excitedly and they soon gather around me to take a look.

"Whoa, thought you were scared of needles." Jenn says.

I shrug. "Guess that's passed." I smile.

As we walked back to the Pit, I saw a big dark board hanging in front of the main corridor and I stop, reading 'NEWS' on it. I get closer and see all sorts of things, from Music Classes to Apartments for Sale. I read a special one. "Searching for Initiates to help taking care of Children at the Library, two hours a day, $500 a Week + curriculum experience, interested? Please leave your name here and show up at the library between 16h and 17h on July 15th." I read, and smile. I take a pen and I'm about to sign when something hits my leg and hugs it. I frown and look down to see a little girl, maybe about five years old with long golden hair and blue eyes, she smiles up at me.

"He's looking for me!" She says, hiding. 

"Where is she? I'm gonna get her!" I hear a loud playful voice echoing through the hallways, and soon a tall figure appears, making me blush as I realise it's Eric. He loses his smile but it soon comes back as he sees me, and it gets wider as he spots the little girl. "Oh, I wonder where Brianna is..." He says getting closer and I hear the little girl chuckling. Eric slowly walks to me, and as he gets close enough he quickly grabs the little girl. "There you are!" He says lifting her up and tickling her. 

She starts laughing. "No! That's torture!" She says turning to me. "Save me!" 

"Too late, ladybug." He says smiling at her. He looks at me and I blush, smiling lightly at him and the little girl.

"Your sister?" I ask since the Dauntless people can have visitors once a week. 

He shakes his head. "Cousin, actually. When my mother chose to stay in Erudite, her brother came to Dauntless, he had this little cutie a few years ago."

"Six years ago, more respect, please." The little girl says, jumping off his arms. "I'm going to see Mommy." She says, running to the Tattoo Studio.

"Okay, but don't get hurt!" Eric says and she nods, before disappearing.

"I would've never pictured you as being good with kids, Eric." I say gently.

"Not kids in general, just a few." He shrugs, looking at my arm. "You got a tattoo." He smiles, taking my arm. I feel shivers through my body as his hands touch me and I blush. "What does it mean?"

"It means..." I start, looking down at the beautiful eagle. "That I'm free." I say with a smile.

He nods, letting go of my arm and leaving me with an empty sensation. "It's beautiful."


	11. Love - Not so - Sweet Love

Even after all the crazy events and excruciating pain on my lower-back from the work-out sessions, I was finally getting used to being a 'normal' Dauntless Girl. 

At least that's what I thought. 

"Wake up, everybody! Rise and shine!" A strong, poweful voice that I assume was Tobias' yelled as the curtains of our dorm were pulled mercelessly, and the light of day infiltrated the room. I sigh, grabbing the device on the small table attached to my part of the bunk.

"5 am." I groan. "Of course."

"Lucky you, Initiates." Tobias says looking at me and winking, I blush. "We could've woken you up at four am." He says. "Now everyone get the fuck up and go change, 'cause today's practice is going to be wonderful... I hope." He says before leaving the room with Eric, who's eyes gazed through the room until they met mine, and, even though I know he only looked at me for a second, it felt like much more.

I shake my head and try to let this thought go as I change into a new outfit, barely paying attention to my surroundings as a tall figure sits next to me and hands me a pink rose. I smile as I look up and see James sitting next to me, a happy smile on his face as he holds the rose. I chuckle. "What's that for, may I know?" I ask, taking the flower and smiling down at it. 

"You don't know what day is today?" He asks, getting up as he starts changing.

I raise an eyebrow. "Should I know?"

He chuckles. "Its Valentine's Day, silly." He says, playfully slapping my arm.  
I roll my eyes. "So what? Our society hasn't celebrated Valentine's Day in decades, née, centuries." I say.

"Maybe not Abnegation." He says, shrugging. "But Amity and some people from Erudite still celebrate old traditions."

"Valentine's Day is not a 'tradition', it's a date that people use as an excuse to be all clingy with each other, make out everywhere and exchange gifts. I mean, if you're dating, every day is supposed to be Valentine's Day, right?" I say, getting up and walking to the bathroom.

"I'm with you there." Jenn says.

"So am I." Lucy says, entering the bathroom. "Valentine's Day is the ultimate bullshit." She rolls her eyes. "I mean, why not give gifts to the people you love and care about at random day? Like, receiving a bouquet of roses on a Monday? That's love." She says, chuckling. 

Jenn and I follow her laugh for a while before we begin to change, I stand in front of the mirror to criticize everything about myself, but before I do that, I notice some changes.

My thighs are thicker, my arms have small muscles on them, and my stomach seems perfectly flat, I smile. "Wow, that training is miraculous." I say, smiling.

"I know, right? I've never felt this strong in my entire life." Jenn says as she finishes dressing up. 

I finish washing my hands, following the girls out of the bathroom and to the practice room, frowning as I see the mats were removed and now we have two tables covered with silky fabric and a lot of targets on the walls.

"What the fuck are we supposed to do here?" I say, folding my arms.

"Glad you asked, darling." A deep voice behind us says, and my cheeks turn red as I see Eric coming in with Tobias, small red rose-pins on their shirts. I roll my eyes as I look back at the targets. "Today, and for the next two days, we're going to practice your aim." He says, standing in front of the group.

"What do you mean, like, shooting, again?" Someone says, apparently annoyed.

"Raise your hand if you want to say something, Initiate." Eric says, harshly. I raise my hand. "Yes, Carrie?"

I try to ignore the fact that my name coming out of his lips gave me goosebumps or the fact that I'm one of the only initiates he calls by the actual name, as I clean my throat, and ask. "What do you mean, like, shooting, again?" I say, a playful smile on my lips.

Eric smirks, shaking his head. "No, not shooting." He says, as his old self comes back. "You will be practising with these, this time." He says, uncovering the tables and revealing 10 sets of knives, perfectly shiny, my eyes go wide and I feel a certain urge.

"That's awesome!" I say, in what I thought was my brain, but, when the other nine initiates start looking at me like I'm some crazy psycho, I realise I actually said it out loud.

"What? It _is_ awesome." I say, shrugging as I look back at Tobias and Eric. "Better than guns, at least."

"Glad to see someone is excited about it." Tobias says, handing each one of us a set of knives and positioning us with each target. "Now, you will throw all your knives, one at a time please, then, when you're done, we'll give you all a couple of seconds to pick it up while everyone stops. Please, and I say that in the nicest way possible, don't be an idiot and try to pick the knife while everyone else is throwing, we almost had a huge accident with that in the past." He says as he glances at Eric and they laugh, sharing some weird private joke. "And... Start." 

I take a deep breath and try to remember Eric's words when he helped me with the gun. The gun is the source, without the gun, there is no shooting, the target is just the objective. So I part my legs a little, look at the target before looking at the knife, making the movement Eric demonstrated before throwing it. 

My mouth twists as it hits one of the smaller circles, but not the bullseye. I sigh as I look around, most people failing at hitting the target at all, their knives just falling on the ground. Jess and Lucy seem to be having a better experience, and, like me, at least hit the target. 

"Not bad for the first time, Initiates." Eric compliments. "You too, Stiff."

"Yeah, I bet she was great on the first time." A boy named Garrett says and I blush as I realise the double entendre.

Eric, on the other hand, doesn't seem very happy. "Everyone stop." He says firmly and we all look at him as he walks to Garrett. I see Tobias tensing, his eyes on Eric as he stands in front of the tall, skinny dark-haired boy. "You think you're funny, huh?"

While Eric stands in front of Garrett I can't help but notice how tall and strong he is. Garrett being the tallest boy in our group is still a few inches shorter than Eric, and his worm-like arms are nothing compared to Eric's, obviously. Garrett faces Eric with his chest completely tensed, but cold, green eyes. "Yes." He says and I instantly look at Eric, his mouth forming a thin line, and his eyes expressing pure anger. 

"Pick up your knives, let's see if you're as talented as you are funny." He says simply. 

Garrett takes his knives, only three are left and turns to the target. He throws the first one, that almost hits the target but unfortunately falls on the ground, then he throws the second, that hits the largest circle of the target but also falls due to lack of force while throwing. And finally, I feel everyone holding their breath as he throws the last one, that hits the second largest circle, and stays. He then looks back at Eric, who smiles. "You might want to improve your technique and keep your mouth shut for now. You throw like a 2-year-old." He says before turning around and walking to the corner of the classroom, where he stays watching us. "Keep going, Initiates."

Everyone turns back to their targets as if nothing had happened, but I keep my eyes focused on Eric and when, eventualy, his eyes meet mine, I smile gently and mumble a quiet 'thank you', before turning back to my target and keep shooting. 

After stressful hours of throwing knives, I decided to throw some water on my face instead of walking with everyone else to lunch. I walk back to the dorms, mindlessly mumbling a song as I open the door, regretting everything I've done as I see what's inside. I close my eyes and quickly cover them with my hands after taking a quick glimpse of James and Jenn passionately making out on. my. bed. "Holy...! I am so sorry I didn't mean to..." I say, feeling through the wall trying to find the door.

"Calm down, Miss. Virgin, we were just making out, you can open your eyes now." Jenn says and I slowly uncover my eyes. 

"This is... How did... For how long have you two been keeping this from me?" I say, thankful for my skin and its ease to hide the blush burning on my cheeks. 

She chuckles. "Keep calm, we're not getting married or anything, just hooking up. And two days, to be exact." James says, chuckling. "Did you need anything?"

"You mean, except for fresh sheets?" I say, shaking my head. "No, I just forgot what I was doing here. I'm going to lunch... Bye." I say, quickly leaving. 

I try to take the image off my head as I walk to the dining hall, about to sit down with Lucy as a hand touches my shoulder and forces me to turn around, I frown as my eyes meet Peter's, the other leader that works with Tris, Tobias and Eric and he hands me a black envelope and winks. "See you there, sugar." He says before leaving.

I look at Lucy before she chuckles and taps the seat next to her, I sit down and look at the envelope before slowly opening. "Congrats" She says as I scan through the invitation. "Only three initiates that aren't Dauntless born were invited, and that's including you." She says. "Leo and I are the other two." 

"Leo?" I smile, glad he's gonna be there to break the ice. But then again, it does makes sense since Leo loves a good party. 

She nods. "That boy you like will be there."

I stop myself from saying Eric, because I don't actually like him. "What are you talking about?" I ask. 

"The boy you met before the tattoo." She says as if it was completely obvious. 

I chuckle. "Calum? I don't like him! At least not like that." I say shaking my head, my cheeks burning as my thoughts fly to him. 

"That's exactly what someone who has a crush would say." She winks.

I roll my eyes, taking a few pieces of bacon and putting them on my plate. "Whatever makes you sleep at night, Lu." I say, smiling. "Will you go with me to buy a dress for tonight? I don't really think Jenn will be free." I chuckle. 

She frowns. "What do you mean?' She asks, her mouth stuffed with pancakes. 

"She..." I start, not knowing if I should be the one to tell. "She wasn't invited, I don't think it'd be fair to ask her to come with me."

Lucy nods. "Then It'll be my pleasure."

\-----

After three more hours of knife throwing with Tobias and Eric ressuring us into perfection, Lucy and I take a quick shower before rushing to the small mall built inside the Dauntless Headquarters. 

"I have to say, this place is unreal!" Lucy says, looking around the princess gowns on the corner. 

"Do you think they get married in black?" I ask, looking at a few tiaras in exposition. 

"I think so." She shrugs, dragging me to see dresses. 

"I'm not a fan of long dresses." I say. 

"Well, that's ironic, after all those years you spent hiding yourself. " She says, chuckling. 

"Aren't you funny?" I roll my eyes, picking some dresses from the shelves and walking to the dressing room. 

\----

I sigh as I put the seventh dress on and walk out, Lucy's eyes, for the first time, seem to sparkle, and I can see she's speechless. "That's it! That's the one. You were so right about short dresses! Now, let's go show this to the world, party starts in an hour!" She smiles. I nod, going back to the dressing room and changing back to my original outfit, then taking the dress and paying with my unlimited credit card. "You know you have to use it more often, right? We only have little time to use our unlimited power and shopping is FUN." Lucy says. 

I nod and chuckle. "I'll think about it. But I've already bought a pretty good new wardrobe." I smile. 

"That's kinda something I wanted to talk to you about..." She starts as we walk back to the dorms. 

"Sure, go ahead." I smile. 

"I was wondering, we still have two weeks tops on training and Initiation before we are designated to our jobs, and I'm pretty sure we're gonna pass all of it because both of us are doing pretty good, so I wanted to know, when this is all over and we have our jobs... Would you like to share an apartment?" She asks shyly.

I almost freeze, smiling gently at her as I nod. "Sure, it's actually a great idea, sharing rent and buying groceries together... I'm in." I say as we enter the dorm and grab our outfit, walking to the bathroom to take another shower.

As we get out, we slowly start to get dressed and I ask Lucy to do my makeup, which she happily accepts. 

Makeup done and clothes on, Lucy and I grab Leo and we walk to the third floor, Peter's apartment.

Now, honestly, I did think that the apartment would be big and classy, after all, Peter is one of the leaders, but I wasn't expecting it to be a huge, two floor place with a hottub! 

The music is loud and most of the people are, already, drunk. And that is includin a dancing Tris and a loud and obnoxious Tobias, who jump around the dancefloor and wave like a little kid as they see us. Peter, on the other hand, puts his arms around our shoulders and drags us to a small group. I notice Calum there and he smiles, getting up and hugging me, his mouth smells like alcohol, but I can tell he's not drunk yet. 

"You arrived just in time." Peter says as we sit down. "We're about to play spin the bottle." 

"Spin the bottle?" I ask, frowning. 

"You have to be more specific, Pet, she's a virgin." Leo says as he hands me a glass of an uncolored drink I recognise as Vodka. 

I take a sip and try not to look too grossed out as the liquid burns his way down my throat. "It's simple, princess. I spin the bottle, the people that stand in front of the ends of the bottle have to kiss. You in?" He asks and I bite my lip, nodding slowly. "Great." He smiles, putting his hand on the bottle and giving it a light spin.

I watch as the bottle spins, landing one end on Calum and the other end on... Me? My eyes go wide as Calum smirks over me and moves, putting a hand on my back as he slowly pulls me towards him and presses his lips on mine. 

It starts slowly, but it quickly turns the other way as his tongue enters my mouth, exploring it. What it seems to be two minutes later, he pulls away, and I stand there, blushing madly as everyone stares at me. I excuse myself, blushing

"I'll... Be right back." I say excusing myself and walk to the bathroom, entering without knocking.

I should've knocked. 

As I open the door, I'm shocked and stand by the door as I see Hayden sitting on someone's lap, and moving her hips teasingly while her lips attack his neck, I blush and I'm about to apologize before I see the man's face. He stares at me with wide eyes and proceeds to remove the drunk girl from his lap as he gets up and walks to me, trying to reach me, I take a step back and feel a tear running out my eyes. 

I walk out, or better, run out, as I look behind for the last time I see him standing in the middle of the crowd, watching me leave. 

Eric.


	12. Visits

A day off. Finally. 

Well, not an actual Day Off, but a symbolic one.

For the first time, Eric and Tobias allow us to sleep until 8 am, but they insist on waking us up the same old way, opening the curtains and yelling at us. 

"Get up, Initiates!" Tobias yells. "Today is a very, very special day." He smirks, looking at us. 

I look around the room until I spot Eric, dangerously close to me, so I decide to focus on Tobias, since I haven't seen Eric since I caught him making out with Hayden, one of his Initiates which is totally unprofessional, at Peter's party, two days ago. Eric's eyes fall on mine for a few seconds, but I refuse to look any longer as I turn my head to Tobias. 

"Two days ago, we sent letters to all of your families. And today, they will be joining us at the end of the afternoon, for a... Party, let's say. Remember, you are on your way to becoming Dauntless, so expressing any kind of love towards your old Faction won't be seen with good eyes. You are allowed to hug and kiss your family, of course, it's normal to miss someone whom you've lived your whole life with, but now is a new chapter of your life. We won't have any classes today because of the Visitation, so feel free to spend the day as you want." He finishes, walking away with Eric.

Euphoria instantly fills the room as they leave, followed by people whispering to their friend's what they would like to do on their day off. Jenn and James will apparently watch a movie, and I don't want to be the third wheel and ruin it for them so I slowly approach Leo and Lucy. "Hey, guys." I smile, holding my clothes and preparing myself to go change in the bathroom. 

"Hey, there." Lucy smiles.

"Yo." Leo says, still laying on his bed.

"Leo, the party was two days ago, you can't still be hungover." I roll my eyes.

"I party hard, sweetie. Like really hard." He says with a yawn. "But you were about to say something, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I wanted to know if you guys wanted to go swimming at the waterfall today. I've never been on a real beach or anything like it so I guess it would be kinda cool. I heard lots of Dauntless people go there." I smile. 

They nod. "That would be super amazing! But we have to get you a bikini first." Lucy smiles. 

"I'm in." Leo says.

"What about your hangover?" I chuckle.

"Sweetie, if it involves seeing you in a bikini for the first time, I'm in. I wouldn't want to miss that. What about Jenn and James?" He asks.

I shrug. "They went to the movies, apparently they're dating. Or having sex. I don't know, they're together in some kind of sexual way." I say.

"Really? Always thought James had a thing for you." Lucy says.

"I know, right?" Leo says, grabbing his clothes and walking with us to the bathroom.

He walks to the boy's bathroom while Lucy and I start talking about the Visit in our bathroom. "Do you think your parents will come?" She asks.

I shrug. "Probably not, my dad most likely forgot I'm even his daughter. What about yours?" I ask.

"I'm sure they will." She smiles. "I'm from Amity, my parents always taught me that doesn't matter what I do I should always follow my heart." 

"Oh, so you already knew Leo?" I ask. 

She shakes her head. "Not really, I mean, I saw him here and there a few times but Amity is huge, we had never really talked before the choosing ceremony."

I nod. "Cool. Why did you choose Dauntless?" I ask suddenly. "I feel like we've had this conversation before, but I thought you were Erudite at the time so with you being Amity, I mean, it is a big change."

"I like a good challenge, life at the farm was pretty boring. What about you?"

"Freedom. I couldn't be who I am in Abnegation, now I finally can." I smile

"Much more poetic than me." She chuckles.

I smile as I finish to change, looking on the mirror to my simple clothes, it's good to finally wear something loose and not so sports like.

"Awe, the little kitten finally learned how to dress up." Leo says as we walk out. 

I roll my eyes. "Ha-ha." I say, shaking my head as we walk to the Hall.

After a few minutes of a powerful conversation about the best bikinis for my body, we finally reach the Hall, walking to a table and sitting down. I look at Leo and I'm about to ask him to pass me the bacon but he has his eyes firmly on Theon, who's sitting with his sister and chatting. Theon slowly moves his gaze to Leo and smirks, making Leo look back down at his plate. 

I smile. "I think he likes you." I say.

"What? No, he doesn't." Leo says. 

I chuckle. "I'll be right back." 

Theon is sitting at the same table as our Four leaders, Eric, Tobias, Tris and Peter. I heard there used to be five, but Max died and they haven't found a substitute yet. Emily, Theon's sister, told me yesterday that she's now dating Peter, which surprised me because he seemed to be such a casanova and I never thought he would go for just one girl.

Of course, I didn't tell her that. 

"Hey, Theon." I say, sitting next to him. 

He smirks. "Hey, Angel." He says, a hand on my cheek as he kisses my lips quickly, I roll my eyes.

"Unnecessary, but thanks." I say, looking at Leo and thanking God he didn't see that. 

"I think it was more than necessary." He chuckles. "Do you need anything, Angel?" He asks. 

I smile, Theon has kissed me a few times, but no more than a second, and I think that the fact that we have a certain intimacy (he threw up on my dress after the party) makes this little joke even funnier. I nod at my beautiful bisexual friend. "Leo, Lucy and I are going to the waterfall in an hour or so, wanna come?" 

"Are you gonna wear a bikini?" He asks with a smirk. 

I chuckle. "Yes, I will." 

"Then of course." He winks. "I'll see you guys there."

"Can we come?" Tobias asks. 

"Sure, the more the merrier." I smile, clenching my jaw as I see Hayden sitting next to Eric. 

"Cool, we'll be there." She says with an arm around him. 

"Wasn't really talking to you, but, okay."

\------- 

Rule number one of shopping: The more friends you bring, the more opinion you'll get, and, as far as I'm concerned, Lucy and Leo are worth ten friends each.

"Okay, what about-" I start.

"Nope." Lucy says, shaking her head. 

I sigh, changing back to my clothes before heading out. "Okay, I'll pick the next one, no but." I say, putting the other bikinis back and walking through the store.

After a while, I finally seem to find something. Last one, my size. "I'll take it." I tell the attendant, handing her my card.

I straighten my bikini and smile as I walk out, joining Leo and Lucy as we walk through the stairs down to the waterfall. "So, I was kinda researching some stuff..." Lucy starts. "And turns out I found an apartment. Is beautiful, I can't wait for you to see it." 

"Apartment?" Leo asks. 

"Yeah, we're thinking about living together after initiation." I say with a smile.

"Cool! Do you have room for one more?" Leo asks with a pout.

"That's exactly what I wanted to say! The apartment has four rooms, so one can be used as a Guest Room or something. I still need to talk to the owner about the rent, but I'm sure it can't be that much." Lucy smiles.

"That all depends on what job we'll get after initiation, do you guys know where you are in the Ranking?" Leo asks. 

I shake my head. "Haven't seen it this week." I shrug. "But it's in the way to the waterfall, we can check it out." I suggest.

They nod and walk with me to the Pit, where the list was exposed, I run my eyes through it, knowing that only the Top 10 would stay in Dauntless, doesn't seem so bad. 

_1º - James Riddle_

_2º - Leonard Garrett  
_

_3º - Carrietta Roberts  
_

_4º - Garrett Joy   
_

_5º - Lucille Stephano   
_

_6º - Hayden Electra   
_

_7º - Calum R. Jonathan  
_

_8º - Emily Hollow   
_

_9º - Lily Telune   
_

_10º - Theon Hollow   
_

_11º - Jupiter Bar  
_

_12º - Kylan Jordan  
_

_13º - Liberty Bell   
_

_14º - Jennifer Rogers  
_

_15º - Ryan Scorcese _

The list went down until the 25º Number. I didn't know most people on the list so I just assumed they were either Dauntless Born or never bothered to talk to me. 

I smile to myself, I'm in third, which is great considering what I've been through in here. Lucy and Leo are right next to me, which means that if we keep working as hard as we are, we will get into Dauntless in no time. 

I'm actually kinda surprised to see James in first, mostly because I haven't been paying much attention to him lately but I can only assume he's doing a good job. I also kinda feel sorry for those under 10, including Jenn, because I know it is hard as hell to go up the bord, I mean, when I first checked it, a week or so ago, I was 18º; then I went to 11º, 8º, 6º and finally now 3º. All because I worked my ass off 180% of the time, and even though I'm working with coffee in my head instead of sleep, I never felt better. 

We start chatting about the ranking as we walk to the waterfall, and, as we finally arrive, I look up to see a sparkling sun I haven't seen in days, and that makes me smile.

"Carrie, Leo, Lucy!" A female voice calls us and we look to the sand to find Tris and her friends a few miles away, I chuckle as we walk to her, some kids splashing around in the water while their parents yell for them to be careful, all dressed in beautiful black swimsuits.

As we finally get to them, my smile almost falls as I see Hayden, dressed in a revealing, yet beautiful, swimsuit (come on, do people really still wear thongs?), with her legs on the beach towel excitedly blabbering about something to Eric. I don't focus on her and look at Tris, who's wearing a one-piece swimsuit that hugs her body and highlights her white skin. She comes closer and hugs me. "Hey, there." She smiles.

"Hi. Sorry, we're late, I couldn't find a bikini." I shrug.

"Well, apparently you should've kept looking." Hayden chuckles.

"And you should shut your fucking mouth." Lucy hisses.

"Ouch, angry are we?" Hayden smirks. "Er! Would you make me the biggest favour and help me with the sunscreen on my back?" Hayden asks with a whiny voice.

I roll my eyes as Eric replies with a 'no, thanks', and finally gets up. 

That's when I see him. 

And dear Lord, what a view.

I mean, I still hate bim for making out with Miss Perfection, but I can't deny he has a beautiful body.

Eric walks up to us and starts helping Lucy with her stuff, which she happily lets as she takes the skirt off and exposes her beautiful body. I smile I know she's been working out a lot, cause she never felt good about herself, and I think that if you don't like something about yourself and you can change that thing, you should do it, doesn't matter what people think. 

"You, huh, you look good, Carrie." Eric says, scratching the back of his neck.

"Thanks, Eric." I say in the most polite way possible, before putting my stuff next to Lucy's and looking at her and Leo. "Why don't we join Theon, Emily and Peter in the water?" I suggest. 

They nod quickly, and I wave at the others before we slowly walk to the crystal clear waters. 

Peter, Em and Theon seem to be very far, and I'm kinda scared because I've never swum thus I don't know how to, but when we finally get to them, I'm happy to notice the water doesn't go past my waist. 

Leo and Theon quickly engage in a conversation, while Lucy plays fight with Peter and Emily. Tired of the water, I decide to walk out and back to the sand, unrolling my beach towel on the sand and lying on it. Soon enough, the sun is blocked and a person stands next to me. "Can I?" Eric asks. 

I nod. "I suppose." I say, before closing my eyes. 

"Tired of hanging out with your boyfriend?" Eric asks, and I quickly open my eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask.

"Theon." He shrugs.

I laugh. "You must be joking. Theon and I? Gosh, no. Leo likes him." I roll my eyes.

"He kissed you earlier." Eric points out.

"We have this harmless flirting thing. It means nothing, it was just a quick peck on the lips, don't be stupid." 

"I must remind you you're talking to one of the leaders of Dauntless." He says seriously.

I nod. "I know, but the leader is making extremely stupid assumptions." 

"What about the other one? The one you kissed at Peter's party?" He asks with an eyebrow raised.

"Calum is a friend I met at the tattoo parlour when I was getting my tattoo. In fact, the artist is his sister." I explain. "There's nothing going on between us, but I don't see how this can be any of your business." I sneer.

"It is my business. You're one of my initiates, and you're on the Top 3. I won't let you throw that away and stop working hard because of some boy." He says. 

"Is that what happened to you?" I ask.

"Excuse me?" He raises an eyebrow. 

"You heard me. Word is you were First until two days before the Final Initiation Ceremony. Did you stop working as hard because of a girl?" 

"As a matter of fact, no, I didn't. I never stopped and I never will stop working hard for anyone. Tobias got First because he's a better fighter and has a much better temper than mine." He hisses. "People often annoy me with silly talk." 

"Must be 'cause you look so approachable." I comment.

He rolls his eyes. "Sorry, but I'm not exactly looking to make friends. I like the ones I have, thank you."

"Is that why you act like that?" I chuckle. "Because all of your friends are respected leaders and you're looking to be like them? Fear is not respect, Eric. You should've realized that after the war." 

He keeps silent for a while, and I thought the conversation was over until he started again. "I just look to keep people who are as important as I am around me." 

I chuckle humorlessly. "Is that why you were making out with Hayden? Is she as important as you are?" I say without thinking.

He keeps quiet again. "That was a mistake, I was drunk and she took advantage of that." 

"Oh, please. If you were drunk you wouldn't have stopped once I saw you."

"I didn't want you to see me that way." 

"How, as a womanizer? 'Cause I'm sure Hayden is not the only one who wants to make out with the Dauntless Leader." I roll my eyes.

His jaw clenches. "It's nice to know that's the only quality I have." He huffs, getting up and walking away.

Great, I just fucked everything up.   
  
\------   
  
But the day didn't end like that, no. There was also the party, the Visitation party. 

To be fair, it wasn't my idea to come. I knew they wouldn't come to visit me. But Lucy convinced me, and, even though I knew my family wouldn't be there, I told myself that I wanted the world to see who I've become. I wanted people to see that the little girl raised by a misogynistic father wasn't there anymore. I was no longer afraid of showing my body, of expressing my thoughts. I no longer thought that a dress was too short or women were too slutty. I knew what I wanted and I knew who I was, and now was time to show it. 

It didn't take me too long to realise, though, that I was the only initiate whose parents didn't show up. So far, I've met Andrew and Giselle, the lovely couple who raised Lucy; Mister Garrett, Leo's father, whose wife died a few years ago; James' moms; and also had the pleasure to see Joanna, Jenn's mother, and Hillary, her sister, again.

After throwing back a glass of a great drink called tequila, I was bored. Not drunk, no, just bored. So I decided to enjoy the night and asked the DJ to play me a song, as I walked up the stage and grabbed the mic. It's been a while since I sang in public, and I wanted to do it again. I straighten my clothes before smiling, preparing myself for the song.

Ironically, the song he chose was Criminal, and I chuckled to myself before starting to sing, I might as well just go with it.

Time passes and the song comes to its end, and I exit the stage, thanking the claps before walking to a table. 

"Carr!" A childish voice catches my attention as I'm about to order another shot of tequila. I frown, turning around to see a set of grey clothes and curly dark hair running to me.

I almost lose my breath. 

"Luna!" I exclaim, opening my arms as she jumps on me, her tiny hands glueing to the back of my neck as I get up and spin her around in my arms. "How... What..." I start, stopping as I see two more sets of grey clothes. "Mom!" I say excitedly, putting Luna down before tightly hugging my mother. As about my dad, he offers me a cold handshake. "Father."

"Hello, Carrietta." He says.

"It's just Carrie now." I say. 

He raises an eyebrow but nods, as I walk with them to a table and sit down. "So, how have things been?" My mother asks and I smile. 

But before I can even answer. "Why are you dressed like that? Don't they have long dresses in Dauntless?" My father asks. 

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" I ask, forcing a smile.

"You look like a slut." He says simply.

I clench my jaw. "Well, maybe that's who I've always been." I say dryly. "As for my life," I start, looking at my mother. "I'm doing great, Dauntless is amazing." I smile. 

Suddenly, someone kicks my chair and I look behind me. "Sorr- Oh, hey, Carrie!" Calum says. 

I smile, getting up and hugging him tightly. "Cal! How are you doing?" I smile.

He shrugs. "The same as always." He chuckles. "These your parents?" He asks with a smile. 

"Yes! Mom, Dad, this is Calum, he's a Dauntless born and a very good, yet annoying, friend." I chuckle. 

"Wouldn't describe me better, sweetheart." He winks down at me.

My mother shakes his hand, while my father just stares at him. 

"Are you sleeping with him?" My father asks and I gasp. 

"No, father, I'm not." I say. 

"Well, isn't that what you Dauntless girls do for fun?" He asks dryly. 

I clench my jaw. "You have no right to insult me or my faction. This is where I am now, this is WHO I am, and if you can't accept that you might as well just fucking leave." I say slowly. 

Thankfully, that makes him shut up. 

"Uh..." Calum starts. "So this is my-"

"Carrie?" My mother gasps. 

"...Yes?" I frown. 

"No, not you." My mother shakes her head, getting up and walking to a tall woman who looked eerily similar to my mother. They look at each other for a while before hugging. "I can't believe it!"

"Wait..." The woman says. "This is your daughter? She transferred to Dauntless?" The woman smiles. "And you named her Carrietta?" The woman asks with tears on her eyes. 

"Huh... Mom, what's going on?" I ask. 

"Yeah, I would like to know too." Calum says. 

"So would I." Calum's sister, Natasha, says. 

My mother smiles. "When I was born, I had a twin sister. We were both from Amity, obviously, but when I chose Abnegation, she chose Dauntless. That's why I named you Carrietta, even though I could never see her again because of the rules, I knew I would always have a piece of her with me." My mother says.

"That's why I named my daughter after you, too." Carrietta says, gesturing at a shocked Natasha. 

"Holy shit." Natasha says. 

"Wait..." Calum starts. 

"Does that mean..." I blush. 

Oh shit, I kissed my cousin.


	13. The Flag of Life and Death

By the next day, I was still trying to take in everything that happened the day before. 

My father hates me - no surprise there. 

I fucked up with Eric.

I went into the water and didn't pass out.

I'm in third place.

And more important: CALUM IS MY COUSIN.

At the end of training, my heart is beating so fast on my chest that I can't actually believe I survived. Eric and Tobias made our training especially difficult today, they said it was because they had a surprise for us. And, of course, as I didn't want to lose my third-place spot, I tried to forget the awkwardness that is my life and focus on training, which was rather hard given the fact that the Dauntless Born joined us today. 

"So, how are you taking it all in?" Calum asks at the end of training. 

I shrug. "As well as I can. I mean, we're related. By blood. And we kissed! Don't you think that's a little weird?"

He nods. "It is. I mean, my mother always talks about how much she misses her family but I would never imagine she had a twin sister!"

"Me neither! I guess they just don't feel comfortable talking about home." I sigh. "But I'm glad we know now... Just in case something would've happened." I blush. 

He smirks. "Did you want something to happen?"

I shake my head and chuckle. "You know what I mean!" I say playfully punching his arm. "I'll see you later, I forgot my water bottle." 

"As you wish, cousin." He winks before walking away.

I chuckle as I turn around, walking a little to the spot where we leave our stuff. "Looking for something?" A strong voice asks.

I look behind to find Eric with my bottle, I roll my eyes as he takes a sip of water and hands it to me. "Thanks, leader." I say. 

He nods. "You're welcome... You know, that seemed like an awful lot of intimacy for friends." He shrugs. 

"Why are you always so up in my business?" I hiss. "Look, I did felt something for Calum, but it was long ago and it's over! As a matter of fact, we just found out we're related, so it doesn't matter."

"You're what?" He asks curiously. 

"Calum is the son of my mother's sister. We're cousins. My mother transferred to Abnegation and her sister to Dauntless." I say. 

He laughs. "Sorry, but this is too funny." 

"You should already know that, everyone is talking about it." 

"I don't keep up with the Initiates life gossip." He simply says.

I raise an eyebrow. "Yet you seem rather interested in mine." 

"As I said, I just want to make sure you don't get distracted."

"I won't." I say. "This is important to me, this place is where I belong. You would know that if you had bothered to show up last night." 

"I did." He says, surprising me. "It was a nice song." 

I nod. "Thank you."

"Why'd you pick that one?"

"I didn't, my friend Lucy picked it for me." 

"Oh..." He says, his face assuming a weird expression. "So you and Lucy are now friends?"

"I can't blame Lucy for the past. It wasn't her idea. It wasn't her who put the blade on me. It wasn't her who would let me bleed to death. It wasn't her. And even if it was, I already beat her ass on that fight so we would be even. But it wasn't, you know damn well who was."

"Why'd you think I know?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Maybe 'cause she's always with you." 

It took him a few seconds, but he realized.

"Carrie I..." 

"Don't bother. You should've known. You guys should've investigated. But it doesn't matter now. I'm stronger. And I'm gonna work my ass off to be the first on that damn board, and I will be. And that's how I'll prove her wrong. Prove everyone who called me weak wrong. Now if you excuse me." I say, turning around and walking out.

After eating, Lucy and I decided to walk to the News Room to see what's happening around Dauntless. Apparently, Leo and Theon had already something scheduled and we didn't want to bother them, so we went on our own. Jenn has also been very distant lately, I really wish I had more time with her but James told me she's not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I guess I'll keep my distance, after all my mother always said that sometimes we lose friends and find others, I think Jenn just wasn't as committed as the rest of us, and now her time is slowly ending. 

"Found one!" Lucy says as she points at a piece of news.

"Babysitting? Sounds good. I'm great with kids and the money is good..." I say. 

"What are you guys looking at?" I hear someone asking and turn around to find Tobias, Eric, Tris and Peter. 

"Job ads." I say while writing down the number of the Babysitting Agency. 

"Yeah, you guys always say how hard it is to find Jobs on the first weeks or months after graduation so we want to be prepared." Lucy says with a smile. 

"I don't think the two of you should worry about that, most companies look at the board every week so all of us know how good you've been doing. Maybe you can even work with us." Tobias says. 

I chuckle. "That's Jenn's dream, not mine." I shrug. "Looks like a lot of responsibility." I say.

Eric nods. "It is, but I'm sure you can take it."

"If you say so..." I trail off. 

"You two should go get changed, we need the Initiates ready in an hour for the surprise." Peter says with a smirk. 

"Aaaand I'm officially scared." I joke, nodding as Lucy and I head back to the dorms.

I look at Lucy with curiosity as I see the time. It's almost midnight. Early for most of Dauntless, but late for the Initiates to be out of bed. I shrug and start getting dressed in our training clothes before following everyone out. Tobias and the others don't say much, they basically ask us to follow them to the train, and we do.

As everyone starts to shut up, I raise my hand. "Yes, Carrie?" Tris asks. 

"Where exactly are we going?" I ask.

Peter smirks. "We're going to play a little game called Capture the Flag. It's a crucial part of your Initiation. Eric and I will lead Team A and Tris and Tobias will lead Team B, the goal is to capture the other team's flag and ring the bell, of course, you will be able to use your skills and also these." Peter says and Tobias hands us guns. "These babies have small paint bullets that simulate the pain of a real one, so if you get shot you can't keep playing."

I nod as I hold my gun, this can't be good. Eric and Tobias flip a coin to see who'll choose first, and Eric wins. Hayden takes a step back as if only waiting for her name, but what Eric says shocks both of us. "Carrie." 

I blush and look at him with an eyebrow raised before joining him and Peter. 

The game goes on. Tobias chooses James and Leo; Peter chooses Lucy and Calum; Jenn and Hayden end up with Tris and Theon and Emily are obviously on our team.

As we jump out of our train, Eric and Peter take us to where our flag is and makes some of us decide who will keep guarding it. Theon and Emily volunteer, and while they talk, I glance at a field that has almost no flowers, the field that leads to the other side of the place we are playing, where a luminescent flag shines at the top middle of a gazebo. I shake my head, of course, they would pick a gazebo, it's not too tall and it's perfect to have a view of the enemy, plus, we would have to find out a way to cross the field without being seen or shot, and I'm sure there would be people guarding it. But not the bridge, which seems to be a little bit more far away. 

"What are you looking at, Carrie?" Eric asks. 

"There's a bridge there." I say. "It would takes us to the flag." 

"That bridge is falling apart, there's no way someone can cross it without falling on 6ft of water." Peter says. 

"That's why there's no one guarding it." I say. "I'm sure someone light-weighted can go. I bet Lucy and I can do it, we just need some people to go through the field to make sure they don't think we would try crossing the bridge." I say.

"That's insane, you can fall to your death!" Calum says. "That's a really old bridge, Carrie."

"I can do it, I know I can. What do you think, Eric?" I ask. 

He narrows his eyes. "I think it won't hurt to try... But take Lucy and try not to die." He says. 

I nod. "Thank you. Lucy?" 

She nods. "I'm all for a challenge you know that."

"I'll take Leo and Peter through the field." Eric says. "Let's go." 

As we exit our tower, everything seems suspiciouly silent, which almost immediately makes me feel anxious. Lucy stays by my side as the boys run to the field, and we tiptoe to the bridge, our guns up at any sign of threat. 

A small rabbit comes out of the woods and scares the crap out of us, but I try to control my self as we finally find the bridge. Peter is right, it is falling to pieces and it's a death trap, but if we keep close enough to the edge and don't go towards the centre, we can walk through it.

I take the first step in, making sure it won't fall with the weight of my feet. It doesn't. 

Lucy and I walk carefully through it, every second seems like the last as small rocks fall on the deep dirty water. 

We hear footsteps, then a conversation. "We should stay here, they won't find us." The two people say. 

"Shit." Lucy mumbles as rocks fall on the water.

"Who's there?" A voice screams. 

"Down!" I whisper to her as the footsteps come closer. A few shots are fired and more rocks fall on the water because of the sound, but thankfully no one is hit. 

As we are about to arrive on the other side, another bullet comes in, almost taking my arm. I dodge, but hold the bridge too tightly and a piece of it falls, making me lose balance. 

I close my eyes as I fall to certain death, but a pair of arms holds me. "Told you it was dangerous." Calum says.

I breathe in, waiting for Lucy as I look into Cal's eyes. "Eric and Peter?"

"They're fine I guess, asked me to come faster so I could see if you guys needed any help." 

"Thank you." Lucy says. "Now let's go, we're close." 

As we walk through the grass, we hear a noise that Lucy and I decide to ignore. "Down!" Calum yells as he starts shooting, Lucy pulls my arm down as we shot at an unseen enemy, bullets flying through the air like flies. "Fucking shit!" Calum yells in pain, and that's when I know he's been hit. I hold my breath as I shot, taking two people down, a feeling of nausea starting to build in my stomach as my hands lose the grip of the weapon, and it falls. I panic. I can see the gazebo, I can just run and take the flag, but I need my gun. On the other hand, I don't want to shot anyone else, I don't want to hurt more people.

Thinking as fast as I can, I run full speed to the gazebo, as Lucy and Calum take down the other members of Tris' team, and, as I arrive, I hold my breath and mutter a quiet 'fuck', five soldiers are guarding the flag, luckily none of them is Tris nor Tobias.

The number falls to three as two shots are fired and two soldiers fall to the ground, holding their stomach. I smile, walking up to a distracted soldier and punching him in the face. I'm shocked as he falls, realizing I probably knocked him out. I have not time to panic as I bullet comes flying to my leg and I yell but keep standing. It's not worse than the pain I felt during the war when I had to defend my little sister from the soldiers. I clench my jaw as I use my bad leg to kick the guy who shot me in the stomach, he falls, letting go of his gun. I pick it up, even if I don't want to, and shoot the last guy standing two times. With a hurting leg and difficulty to walk, I limp to the centre of the gazebo and grab the green luminescent flag, a loud buzzer filling the air as I hold the flag up in the air. That's when I realize, the game is over. We won. 

I hold the flag up as my team approaches me, my leg giving up. "Are you okay?" Eric asks. 

"I'm fine, that bullet hurt like a bitch." I say, handing him the flag.

He shakes his head. "No, it's yours. You won." 

"We won." I tell him with a small smile. Calum and Lucy soon arrive. 

"Don't worry, the pain only lasts like five minutes." Calum says. "Come on, we have more important things to do." 

I frown. "What do you mean? We won. The game is over." 

I look at Eric and Calum as they exchange a glance, a grin on Cal's lips. "Come on, Stiff, get up." Eric says, and, for the first time, the word 'stiff' is not filled with hate.

I roll my eyes. "Need some help?" Calum asks.

"Do I ever?" I say, getting up. 

"You shouldn't put your weight on the leg." Eric advises. 

"It's not a real bullet, so it's not a real wound." I say, looking at the field, where Tris and Tobias run to us. 

"So, you did it." Tris says, her arms crossed and a smile on her lips. 

"I guess so." I chuckle. 

"We'll get back at you next year." Tobias says. 

"Keep dreaming, Eaton." I smirk. "Keep. Dreaming." 

"So, what now?" Lucy asks and the leaders smirk, Peter joining them, a pink explosion on his stomach, that must've hurt. 

"Can you run?" Peter asks. 

I nod. "I can try." I say. "Just show the way."

"Let's go, then." 

We run through the fields, past a big rollercoaster and a Ferris wheel. We run for about five minutes, and I slowly feel the pain going away as we arrive in an old building. Tris, Tobias and Eric run in the opposite directions, and Peter leads us into the building and up the stairs. 

It's a long journey, but five, six, ten floors after, we get to the roof. As we arrive, two dauntless people are waiting for us, a slight smirk on their faces. I look up at the starts, they seem so incredibly close. Then, I look at what's in front of me, the city lights around me. I avoid looking down, for I am extremely scared of heights. That's when I see it, the iron rope, the equipment, holy shit. It's a tyrolean. They're gonna make us jump. Great. 

"As always, the first to go is the person who caught the flag." Peter says and everyone looks at me. "Carrie, everyone!"

I hear people cheering as they push me to the front, someone tying something on me and tells me to pull the triangle when I reach the people. I gasp as I look down, this is much higher than the building we had to jump on the first day. I look at Peter, terrified, but he laughs. "Don't worry, doll." He says and pats my back.

I go to the edge of the building, looking down at the city. I wanna shit myself, I do, but the wind blows on my hair and I know I have to do this. "Ready?" The girl that tied me up asks. I nod, and, slowly, she pushes me, and I fall. 

I tightly hold myself on the equipment, my eyes slowly opening as I feel the wind hitting me, I smile widely, it feels so good, so refreshing, so... Freeing. 

I chuckle as I see a bird nest, then I go through an old building, and finally, I see them, the people from dauntless... My people. Tris is the first one I spot, then Tobias, then Eric.

It makes me smile, it makes me happy. 

Someone yells 'pull!' and I pull the small silver triangle, closing my eyes as I fall into the arms of roughly a dozen people. I smile wider. 

Someone hold my waist and puts me down, strong hands that seem so soft and rough at the same time. My eyes look for the person's face and I blush as I see Eric. "So, what did you think?" 

"I'm never doing that again." I chuckle. 

He nods. "It can be scary the first time." He says. "It was a good game today, still can't believe we won... But then again, that's why I chose you." 

I blush, a small smile on my lips as he starts walking away, I grab his arm. He frowns, looking at me. "I was wrong... About that day. Being a leader is not your only quality. You're also really nice... When you want to be."


	14. Stage Two

Regardless of how fucking crazy last night was, I woke up feeling fresh and new, like a child out of the womb. I know its a weird way to put it, but, I was so scared and in the end it ended up being one of the best experiences I've ever had, and doing that reminded me of how much Dauntless means to me, how much I want to stay here, and officially be a part of this family. 

And, even better, Eric and Tobias allowed us to sleep until past 11am today. I mean, it wasn't that much considering when we came back to the headquarters it was about 5 am, but it still was amazing to get some almost normal sleep. But there was a catch, of course, and we found that out when our leaders and teachers led us through a big staircase until we reached a completely white room, one that I didn't even know existed. I adjust my clothes, glancing at the room confused as the other part of the Initiates (the dauntless born) join us, and, even though most of them are trying to play it cool, I'm almost sure they have no idea of what they're doing here as well. 

The four leaders join us, dividing us into our original two groups - dauntless born and transfers. They ask us to sit down and wait, and then, one by one, each one of us is picked by a leader and led to a room. There are two rooms, one of them monitored by Eric and the other one by Tobias, while Peter and Tris are in charge of calling our names and leading us to a separate room. 

Soon enough, Peter calls me, ironically, they didn't go by the last name order, but by the first, which is great cause I couldn't wait to find out what was all the fuss about. Peter leads me into the room, where Tobias is waiting with a blue syringe and a white chair. He tells me to sit down and relax, while he injects my arm with a blue liquid and I feel my eyes getting heavier until they close.

_When I wake up, I find myself inside of a glass box, surrounded by random people. _

_My family and friends, Eric, my school teachers, even Evelyn, speaker of the Factionless. But it's only when my eyes land on Jeanine that I realize I'm dreaming. This can't be real, she's dead. We've all seen pictures of her body and read the news. She's been dead for a year now, so it wouldn't be possible for her to be here. _

_When I start to get uncomfortable with the small space, Eric points at Tobias and he smiles, pushing a button on the wall and sitting down on a chair that came out of nowhere. I frown as the small glass box slowly starts to fill up with water. I look around me and slowly start to panic, there's no way out, and, as the box starts to get full, forcing me to swim up and gasp for air, I try to focus on finding the way out. This has to be a test, they wouldn't kill me._

_"Divergents aren't suppose to exist. You deserve to die." I hear Eric saying and I almost yell._

_That is until I get my mind into focus again and remember that this is not real. This is a dream, and I can do anything if I realize that I'm dreaming, even if I don't remember how I fell asleep in the first place._

_I try to focus as best as I can and approach the glass, hitting it as hard as I can with my shoulders until I feel the material slowly starting to break. Finally, the whole thing gives up and a sea of water leads me to the ground, but instead of wet, I feel dry, as I suddenly look up and realize I'm back home. I frown, walking to the living room and finding myself looking at a younger me, maybe three or four years old, wearing a grey birthday hat and singing a silly song with Jenn. That's when I feel something poking me, and as I turn around my heart nearly stops. "Fuck" I mutter as I see Bernard, probably my worst childhood nightmare. _

_He stands in front of me, his painted white face and ridiculously red nose making my heart race. His shoes are too big and he's holding a balloon animal. I bite my lip as I try to hold in my tears, forcing myself to look the other way as my feet try to escape. _

_Suddenly, he's everywhere. I'm in a room full of mirrors, and I can see is that horrible clown, laughing at my face. I start breathing heavily, I can't fight him cause I have no idea where he is, so I hold in my breath as I punch the nearest mirror, closing my eyes as they all shatter around me, the small pieces of glass disappearing as they hit the ground._

_And suddenly I'm eaten up by a void of nothingness. Until a sparkly light brings me back to reality, forcing me to open my eyes. I do, and I'm scared as I realize I'm standing at the top of a 30-floor building, flames slowly burning it up. I can't go back and try to escape, I have to think of another way to get out of here. I think about last night, that fall wasn't so scary, but it wasn't so high either. I bite my lips, the flames almost reaching me as I let myself fall from the building, the cold air hitting my face as I'm certain death awaits me._

_But I don't die. Instead, I find myself being held up by a strong pair of arms, and I open my eyes to find Eric, his piercing blue eyes staring at me. He smiles before putting me down. "Gotta leave you here, sorry doll."_

_I nod as he puts me down, glancing around to find myself inside of my old school building. It's about noon, and the students rush to the cafeteria. I sigh as I look down and see my old clothes, the good old grey. I start walking with the others as a strong pair of hands throws me against the locker. I shake and look down, hating myself for returning to the old habits as a known voice says: "Why don't you go back to where you came from, Stiff?". The voice comes from Steve Cornwell who, with the help of his best mate Harry Lockhart, made my life a living freaking hell._

_"Let's teach the Stiff a good lesson, shall we?' Harry says and his friends smirk, and, oh God, do I know what's coming next._

_I'm unable to move as they pick me up by the shoulders and drag me to the parking lot, opening the trash can and throwing me inside, before locking it. I cry silent tears as I wait, cause that's all I can do. After my years of experience, I know that its almost impossible to escape a closed trashcan or locker unless someone opens it from the outside. I start getting angry, soon I'll be a fucking dauntless, I shouldn't be afraid of some class c bully! I start angrily kicking the sides of the trash can, trying to get noticed but someone who would walk by. But it doesn't work, instead, my feet are able to break through the metal, and I'm left alone again in an empty room._

_That room soon turns into a yard, a front yard, and I hear bullets cutting through the air as a known voice yells. "Carrie! Come on, you're almost there!". My mother. She yells her lungs out as I run to her, little Luna in my arms, my body serving as a human shield. Another bullet cuts the air and hits my leg, I yell in pain as I fall, still doing my best to protect Luna. _

_After that, it happens too fast, a Dauntless soldier reaches us, his soulless eyes scanning us as he points the gun to my sister's head, I yell again, in fear this time. He shoots my stomach and I cry, pleading for my sister's life, her cries filling my ears. And then, another bullet cuts through the yelling, and everything goes silent. Luna lies next to me, her little body now lifeless. I yell, trying to get her to talk to me. The man takes off his mask and glances at me, his cold eyes staring me as he says: "This is all your fault."_

_I place my hand on my chest as I close my eyes shut, breathing heavily as I try my best to remind myself that this is all a dream. Luna is fine, I saw her a few days ago, she's fine, I know she is. And even though I'm certain she's alive and well, seeing her body lying in front of me, lifeless, turning grey, is enough to make me start sobbing, wishing this dream ends soon._

_As I slowly start calming down, I open my eyes, I find myself standing inside the training room, while a couple furiously makes out in front of me, right in the centre of the room. I frown, stepping closer to realize the couple is Eric and Hayden, which makes me blush with anger and a bit of jealousy. Suddenly, a hand touches my shoulder and I frown, turning around to find Nathan, my first kiss and first crush, standing behind me. _

_"You realize you're never gonna be anything more than an ugly little girl, right? It didn't work out with me, its never gonna work out with Eric or anyone else. Some people just aren't supposed to be in relationships, worthless people like you. You're not good enough, Carrie. You'll never be."_

_I look back at Eric and Hayden as I soak in Nathan's words. He's right, Eric would never be interested in me. I blush, my face soaked in tears as I look back at Eric, who's now standing in front of me. "Just get the fuck away from me, you're disgusting."_

And, just like that, I wake up. Defeated, I look around the room, panicking until a hand touches my shoulder and I'm forced to calm down. I glance up at Tobias, who hands me a bottle of water and asks me to sit down. 

"Do you know how long you've been lying there for?" He asks. 

"I don't know. 30, maybe 40 minutes?" I say, my head hurting. 

"Not even close. You were under the simulation for a total of 10 minutes. That's a record, considering Tris took 12 minutes on her first simulation and she has the same amount of fears you do, six. Which, again, is pretty impressive, most people have 10 to 25 fears." 

"Let me guess, you have four?" I chuckle and he nods with a smile. "Makes sense now, but my head hurts like hell."

"You should go rest now, I'll ask Tris to take you to the infirmary if you need." He says, helping me get up. 

"No need for that, just... Can I ask you something?" I say, before heading to the door. 

"Sure, what do you need?"

"Can you... Not tell Eric about the simulation?" I ask. 

He sighs. "He's a leader, Carrie. He'll find out sooner or later, we have it recorded." 

I nod slowly. "Well, thanks anyway." 

What I meant was: Well, I'm fucked.


	15. Dauntless, At Last

The final week of training went by like a flash.

Tris and Eric were called to settle some business out of town, far from the Amity headquarters because a group of factionless who were charged with searching for nearby colonies were having some trouble.

I asked myself all week whether it was a good idea to send two of our best fighters to resolve trouble out of town, with so many stories talking about savages and ruthless people who lived in colonies not so far from us. According to Peter and Tobias, those stories were created to make us fear the outside and stay inside, and, though it makes tremendous sense to me, I fail to understand why we wouldn't first strive to better our city before looking for others.

Those thoughts kept me sane while I thought about the final stage and the Initiation, which were coming at the end of the week. Eric and Tris flooded my dreams, along with the possibility of them never returning or getting badly injured. These dreams brought back the memories of fear I had during the war, fear of losing my sister and my family. By the end of the week, I was a mess. 

A low knock woke me up. It was the end of the initiation process, finally, and we've been woken up every day at the same time for weeks, so any noise could wake us up at this point. Peter and Tobias walk into the room, and my eyes fearfully search for Tris and Eric, my heart beating hard as I realise they're not there. 

Part of me wants them to return now, safe and sound, yet another part of me fears their return will mean they'll be able to see my fears... Eric is most likely in them. 

"Good morning, Initiates. Or, should I say, future Dauntless." Peter starts.

"Today is the fucking day you all have been waiting for! Finally, the last step before you officially become active parts of our community. I hope you are all excited cause you are in for a hell of a ride. Breakfast is in 30, then, Stage Three begins." Tobias smirks, leaving the room.

I rub my eyes and wake the girls up, Jenn turns aside to sleep some more, I assume, but Lucy joins me and we walk to the bathroom. We get there, take our showers and change into some more comfortable non-practice clothing. Suddenly, the doors open and Jenn comes in, she's dressed in black pants and t-shirt, yet there's something on her hands. 

I smile. "Morning. Excited?" 

"Actually, I just came to say goodbye." She explains with a soft smile.

"What? Jenn... You're not-"

"Leaving. Yes. I'm 15th on the board, love. I'm going back home. I'm going back to my mother and my sister, I miss them. It's where I belong." She shrugs. 

"I'm sure they won't kick you out... If we talk to Tris I-" 

"I wanna leave, Carrie. I need to. This has been so much fun but I don't belong here, and I'm aware of that. I really just wanted to say goodbye." She says, walking up to me and hugging me as tight as she can.

"What about James?" I ask, but I already know the answer. He's been slacking all week, that's why he lost first place... To me. He's right behind me, though, and second is not bad at all. Eric was second and he still got the leader position. James must know, that would explain his behaviour.

"I told him I was leaving and gave him the choice to come with me, start over. But I know he's not giving up being here. He loves being Dauntless, and he was born to be. I completely understand. I need to find myself... And I can't do it here." She says, my heart overthrows with sadness. "Take care of him, please. He's way too sweet. And you-" She turns to Lucy, who's about to cry. "Take care of my best friend."

"I- Of course. Please, keep contact, okay? Come visit!" Lucy says, hugging Jenn. 

\--- 

Lucy and I walk to the Hall in silence. Jenn's departure only made things scarier. We pass the board on our way and I still can't believe I'm first. The board has only been updated once this week, though, so I can't absolutely trust it. We walk into the Hall and everyone is euphoric, everyone but me. Lucy gets a bit happier once she sees Theon and Leo talking and joins them. They also seem a bit gloomy so I take it James told them about Jenn. I approach James, he's sitting at the far end of the table, away from the conversation. "Hey." I say. He looks up at me, handing me the best smile he can. "James... I know it hurts. It hurts for me, too, but it'll pass. You'll see." 

"I loved her, you know? Is that weird? I know we only knew each other for a month but-" 

"It's not weird. They're your feelings, you shouldn't feel ashamed. It's completely okay. But, James, she left. And now we have to move on, and it'll hurt like a bitch but, come on, today's the day, goddammit!" I say aloud so that everyone else in the table starts cheering. 

He smiles. "You really are something else, Carrie. Thank you. And thanks for stealing first place from me, hey!" He chuckles.

"I didn't steal anything, baby." I wink, getting up to grab a bite before walking to the Leaders table. 

I say hi to Em before looking at Tobias, he gets up and walks up to me. "Hey, I got her resignation letter last night. Are you okay?"

I nod. "Yes, I'm fine. It's just weird, you know? We spent our entire lives apart, yet still being friends. And now we had an opportunity to be together and she... Left."

"I made some friends during my initiation. Back then, if you failed, you became factionless. It was still a lot of pain seeing them leave." He places a hand on my shoulder. "Tris is usually better with the mushy stuff, but I just want you to know I understand."

I smile. "Thanks, Four. Any news from her?"

He nods. "They're alright. They got here a few hours ago and are sleeping, the trip was horribly tiresome, apparently. They found the factionless and they apparently found a colony. We'll be announcing after stage three that we'll need volunteers to go there, the government is counting on dauntless."

I chuckle. "Are we superheroes or some shit?"

"Kind of." He smiles jokingly. "So, see you in Stage Three."

\--

After breakfast, we had a few minutes to organize ourselves in our training rooms, and we were separated (non-dauntless born from dauntless born) and Peter escorted us to the first floor of the Dauntless Headquarters. When I got there, my heart pretty much stopped. The dauntless born were there, the leaders were there and they also allowed the families of the dauntless born and the leaders from other factions. Evelyn Eaton, Tobias' mother and the spokesperson for the Factionless, was also there, and her eyes gazed straight into my soul. The only Abnegation person who had the guts to join those who tried to kill her and her faction. Fuck my life. Hard.

The Dauntless born go first, which gives me some good minutes to calm myself down and not freak out. They start calling them by their last names, even the ones who didn't make the top ten, and that makes me think about what's gonna happen to them. I sigh, no time to think about that now, they already started calling the non-dauntless born. Great.

The initiates are on the bottom level, accompanied by a tech chief who places us in a white chair with a screen. At the top level, the leaders and parents stand. The leaders wear headphones and have tiny screens in front of them, for better access to us, while the vast majority of the people invited to join watch us. I didn't quite pay attention to the fears other people were experiencing, but now I start. Hayden is afraid of spiders, young children, being mugged, and many others. Leo is afraid of cats, and other things, but this one sticks to me, because of the promise we'll share an apartment in the future. James has eleven fears, and I don't quite grasp all of them but many have guns involved, and I see Jenn's face popping up at the end, right before he shoots her. Losing her, his main fear is losing her. And he just did. It's strange how the other people can't really hear whats going on in the simulation, except for the person tied to the chair and the leaders, yet we can see all the action and just assume some things. 

Lucy reluctantly steps into the chair and stays there for about 20 minutes. 15 fears, between them, clowns. Score, I'm not the only one. And finally.

"Carrie Roberts, 1st Place in the Ranking." Someone announces. The leaders pop their headphones back on as a lady escorts me to the chair. I sit, close my eyes, and pray while I'm still conscious. I feel the needle in my arm and everything turns into darkness.

_When I open my eyes again, I instantly panic. Water surrounds me, so much fucking water. I look up and realise I'm in the sea. Great, the only fucking place I don't want to be in. I quickly start agitating my arms, trying my best to swim up, but I can't even fucking swim in the first place. At first, it seems to be working, but when I get almost close enough something stops me, and I realise there's a metallic chain around my ankle, trapping me at the bottom of the ocean. It seems to be stuck in there and as much as I move my feet it doesn't really help. I close my eyes and try not to breathe because I'm underwater, then I focus and pull my leg one more time, finally getting the chain to get free from the sea. Instead of swimming up, though, the chain reveals a hole that starts draining the water from the ocean, and I'm suddenly free._

_I finally take a deep breath, the deepest I've ever taken, and I find myself having trouble walking, not only because the floor is covered with sand, but because the sea has transformed into the smallest closet I've ever been in. I start breathing heavily, before following my instincts and throwing my body against the small door as hard as I can. It doesn't work, and now my arm hurts. I sit down because my back hurts from curving into the small space. And I look down at my hands, my skin seems to be peeling off on my left hand, and, with not much else to do, I start pulling it off. The skin starts to loosen, like a snake shedding, and as I pull the last piece of dry skin from my hand, I find a key underneath. "What in the actual fuck..." I mutter. _

_Not wishing to lose time complaining, I open the door. Breathing some fresh air before realising where I am. Back in my old house in Abnegation, everything seems so bland and boring compared to the new life I'm living. I shake my head, if I'm back home, there are only two things that can happen. I look around, heading to the kitchen and finding the abomination that is Bernard, the clown from my seventh birthday party, standing there, his face full of red velvet cake, smiling. The cake strongly resembles blood and its enough to send me running to the other way, but, of course, I couldn't get a break because of at least five Bernards pop up around me, singing happy birthday. _

_I close my eyes and think about something that I wanted to do when I was younger. I open my eyes to look at the first Bernard and kick him between his legs. Fuck, that felt good. The other ones disappear, and I'm free to get the fuck out of that house. _

_"Get down!" Someone yells, and so I do. My heart starts beating fast as I kneel behind a bush and start hearing the much too familiar sound of shots. Someone with a gun passes running through my house and, when I look again, I see my sister hiding behind our front neighbour's house. I need to get to her, I just need to get to her. I look to the street before taking my chance and running to her, shots being fired around me._

_"I got one!" Someone screams, and I can hear their voice before feeling the bullet in my leg. My grey skirt starts to get red, and that pain hurts as much as the first time. _

_"Luna. Luna." I mutter to myself, dragging my body to the lawn of my neighbour's house. I'm almost there, I almost got here. Until someone steps on my arm as hard as they can._

_I look up, Eric, all dressed in a black military uniform, looks back at me. I frown. He's my friend, he would never hurt me, he would never hurt my sister. As I look back at Luna, I see Em dragging her away, and I scream at the top of my lungs. Eric gets his gun and points it at my head, but I don't take notice until I hear Em's gun being fired. I start crying._

_"Do it," I tell him. "Kill me."_

_I hear the shot, and again everything goes black. _

_I open my eyes one more time, this time reluctantly, to find myself at the top of the Ferris wheel we passed when we were playing flag. I look down, everything looks so small. I need to get down. I need to get down. "But this is a simulation." I finally tell myself. It's not fucking real. _

_I look down one last time, before standing in one of the cubicles and smiling to myself. I let my body fall._

_Before I hit the floor, I'm held by a pair of arms. I recognize the tattoos, Calum. My cousin Calum. What is he doing here? I finally look to my front to find Eric and Hayden snogging. Doesn't matter how long passes, I still think that is deeply inappropriate, but I try my best to remember he was drunk. She took advantage of him. Bitch. They stop for a second, Eric walks up to me. "Doesn't matter how many songs you sing, doesn't matter how many people she hurts, she'll always be better than you, fucking stiff." I clench my jaw. _

_"You're not real, asshole." I punch him in the face and kick her between her legs, everything starts to fade away._

I finally wake up, my arms being restricted by the chair and causing me to slightly panic. I look around to realise where I am. Thank God, it's over. People are clapping, and my friends walk up to me, while the lady who tied me down lets me go. 

I get out of the chair and smile at Lucy, Leo, Theon, Em, James and Calum. "Was it bad? Or long?'

Calum shakes his head. "Shortest we've seen. And, by the way, thanks for taking one for the team and punching Eric, I'm sure we've all wanted to do that during training." He laughs.

I smile awkwardly. "What did he say to you, though?" Lucy asks curiously. 

"I'll tell you later, now it's not the time." I say.

Tobias claps three times, signalling us to pay attention to the leaders. We look up, I try to avoid Eric's eyes but he has them on me. I swallow my saliva before Tobias starts walking down the stairs and to the initiates. "We talked to our best heads of departments and we'd like to make a few job offers to our top five. From bottom to top. Calum Jonathan?" Tobias calls.

Calum looks down at me, sends me a wink and then walks up to Tobias. Peter and Tobias face him. "You are positively one of the most intelligent students we've ever had. And it has come to our attention that you aced every single one of your classes. For that reason, we are offering you a position in teaching. You'll be heading to the Erudite headquarters five times a week, five hours a day to dedicate yourself to become the best teacher you can be, do you accept our offer?" Peter says.

I frown, I had no idea Calum was so smart and I definitely didn't see it coming. But apparently Calum did. "I accept." He says and everyone cheers. 

Tris smiles and hands him a few files. "You have a lot of reading to do, your classes start next week."

"Leonard Garrett." Leo walks up to Tobias. "You have been offered a position working alongside Natasha Jonathan, head of the tattooing department, to work with her and learn how to apply your art skills. You've also been offered a position training Initiates, that will require your full attention once a year."

"So I can have both?" He smiles.

Tris laughs. "Absolutely. Plus it'll be amazing to not have to do this next year."

"Who said he'll be covering you up, Prior?" Peter chuckles.

Some people laugh while Leo happily accepts both job offers. 

"Lucille Stephano." Lucy walks up to Tobias. "I want to personally offer you the position of head of the technological department. Because of my departure, due to my work as a leader, I won't be able to work there anymore, and have left Samantha Goldstein as my supervisor. Nonetheless, I would want you to take my place, you'll be working with Samantha for a few weeks until you get a grip and then you'll be working on your own."

Lucy smiles widely. "Yes! I absolutely accept."

"James Riddle." James walks to Tobias, full of pride. "James-"

"Sir, if you permit me, I would like to volunteer to lead the next expedition to the colonies that surround our city. I have heard it is still a project in development and you'll need a leader."

Silence is heard across the room. My heart breaks, everyone could see how hurt he still was because of Jenn, and I believe he's trying to move on and start again. I admire that.

"Well-" Tobias starts.

"Yes." Eric speaks for the first time. "It is a hard mission, but after your training, I'm positive you can take it. Report to my office in the morning and we'll sort things out."

James smiles and shakes hands with all the leaders. My heart beats faster. Tobias looks at me with a gentle smile. "And finally, our first place. Carrie Roberts." I walk up to him. "It is a tradition and an honour to offer the first place a position in government. For a few months now, since Christina retired and Max is no longer with us, we've been looking for a new member to share our leadership, especially because Peter is looking for early retirement." He laughs. "We've talked about this a lot, and we'd like to offer you a position as a leader."

I almost gasp, I cannot believe this is happening. I remember Jenn telling me how she'd love to lead and my heartaches. I look at Tris, she smiles. Jenn is gone and I have to move on. "I accept."

\--

Tobias completely forgot to mention that there is an afterparty after the initiation. I chuckle as I see Lucy and Leo doing shots at the bar and walk to the corridor to try to get a little peace. The noise inside the club is way too loud and filled with newly graduated dauntless people who just want to go crazy. I reach the outside and give my brain a few minutes to adjust to the lack of noise. James follows. 

"Hey, Mr commander." I greet him. 

"Hey, my favourite leader." He says, his voice lazy from the drinking. "I was looking for you.'

I chuckle. "Why?"

He leans into my ear as if to tell me, but he kisses me. I gasp and quickly push him away. "James...." I sigh.

"Come on, Carrie. You've been a virgin for way too long, baby, let's change that." He smirks.

"You're drunk and you need to go to bed." I say, pushing him away.

He rolls his eyes. "Why are women so fucking confusing? First, she leaves and now you push me, what the fuck, I just fucking kissed you!"

"That's why I pushed you!" I roll my eyes.

Before he has the chance to say anything else, we hear a voice. "Come on, James, it's time to go to bed." I sigh in relief as I see Eric walking towards us.

"Sorry, Eric, I don't swing that way. I am flattered though." He chuckles.

Eric rolls his eyes and grabs a side of him. I grab his other shoulder and we walk to the Initiates Room. I sigh as I see it has been cleaned to seem spotless and ready for next year's initiates, our stuff standing at the edge of our former beds. "Which one's his?" Eric asks, half annoyed.

I point at his bed and we leave him there. We walk out of the room. "Thanks, Eric." I say, but he's already walking away from me. "Hey!" I yell. He turns around and raises an eyebrow. "I said thank you."

"Actually, you said thanks." He says, standing a few steps away from me. 

"Wow, Mr Coulter, your Erudite is starting to show." I chuckle.

"You've already humiliated me enough in your simulation, thanks, Roberts." He says.

I frown. "_I_ humiliated _you_? Do you know how fucking humiliating it was for me to have dozens of people seeing my fears and having them see _you _in them?"

"Really? What about me having to explain to Evelyn and the other leaders I didn't sleep with one of my students?!" He says, angry. "You could've ruined my career!"

"I don't exactly control the way my fears manifest, asshol- wait, you didn't?" I ask, confused.

He rolls his eyes. "Of course I fucking didn't. That would've been deeply unprofessional, who do you think I am, Four?"

I blush. "But you kissed her."

"Once, when I was drunk, and I was forced to report that to the board. And they punished me by sending me off to those ridiculous colonies. They could've fired me but I admitted to it so it was less terrible. But your simulation? It made it seem fifty times worse." He says.

I walk up to him. "I'm sorry, Eric. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

He nods slowly, waiting a few seconds before looking at me again. "Do you fear me?"

"I mean... Kind of. Have you seen yourself? You're a fucking mountain of muscles." I chuckle, before realising he took it seriously. "I'm joking, Coulter."

"In your simulation... I shot you. I stepped on your arm. I ordered Emily to take your sister. Tobias told me you were wounded in the war, but to know that I'm someone you associate it with... I know I'm no saint, Roberts. I was a fucking shithead, I helped Jeanine, I was manipulated by her and knowingly put the lives of thousands in danger because of her. But I didn't expect you to be scared of me. I don't want you to be scared of me." 

I nod. "I know what you've done, Eric. Jeanine was a bitch. I blame her. She had the ideas, you just... followed. The reason you were in the simulation was probably because of your strong role in my initiation. You and Em helped me train a lot and that was probably why my brain picked you. It has nothing to do with the war."

He sighs. "That makes me feel a little better. Do you wanna go back to the party?"

"Not really, why?" I ask.

"Cool, I have something for you, come on." I follow him through a lot of corridors, elevators and stairs until the top floor of the first building of the headquarters. I smile as I see a room with Tris' name, that tells me this is where the offices of the leaders stay. We walk past Tris' office and find Eric's, he pulls a key from his pocket and opens it. 

"Is this your office?" I chuckle, looking around. There's a big metal table at the back, near a window. An empty cup with coffee stains is next to a computer with a projectable keyboard. A few files are also stacked on the table; there's also a cactus, a few portraits of who I assume are his family and some reading glasses. To my left are three big shelves with numerous books and to my right, there's a coffee machine, a liquor cabinet and a small desk next to what I assume is the entrance to a bathroom. He walks to one of the bookshelves and grabs a book-shaped thing wrapped in black paper. He comes back to me.

"I found this while we were in the colonies. Tris told me you're an avid reader, so am I, and I thought you might like it. It's a classic from the old world." 

I smile as I unwrap it. Inside, there's a dusty book, with very old pages. The title spells _Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. _"Eric this is precious, thank you!" I say, hugging him. 

He awkwardly hugs me back and pulls away to smile at me. I blush, I've never been so close to him before. He reaches his hand to my face and I reluctantly allow him to touch me before we start hearing a loud noise. We quickly turn to the door, curious looks on our faces as a girly voice says a loud _yes._

Eric puts a finger on his mouth and tells me to wait as he opens the door silently, and I almost gasp as I see Tobias and Tris, half-naked and on top of each other, kissing on the couch in front of Eric's office. "Oh, for fuck's sake." He says, scaring the two, who try their best to cover themselves. "Fuck off, Tobias you can do that in your office."


End file.
